Author: Colette Arrand
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Bobby “The Brain” Heenan vs. The Ultimate Warrior (6/25/88)
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan is almost unquestionably the best manager of all time. He’s almost unquestionably the best color commentator of all time. He was never much of a wrestler, but he was so good at the other two roles that the audience clamored for his comeuppance in the ring. The role of the manager in the WWF was somewhat different than in the gritty, southern NWA—Slick, Jimmy Hart, Mr. Fuji, Kim Chee, Harvey Whippleman, The Coach, and the rest of the WWF’s ringside talent got involved with their words, their ability to distract others, and their tendency to employ the cheap shot during a match, but in the N.W.A., James J. Dillon, Paul Ellering, and James E. Cornette were sometimes forced to step into the ring, fight within the confines of a steel cage, or to scale an intimidatingly high scaffold, where, it was virtually promised, justice would be served. It was this difference that made Bobby Heenan’s rare in-ring excursions so exciting to WWF fans. Sure, Heenan had experience as the third tag team partner of The Blackjacks in the NWA, and in the WWF as the third man in a Heenan Family trio that included King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd, who warred against The Machines (Andre the Giant, Blackjack Mulligan, and/or Demolition Ax, under masks and managed by Captain Lou Albano) in 1986. But his series of “Weasel Suit” matches against The Ultimate Warrior in 1988 took the manager vs. wrestler trope one step further. Heenan worked alone in these contests, a set-up that promised fans the complete and utter destruction of The Brain, who unquestionably has it coming. (more…) -
Movie Review: Magic Mike (2012)
Magic Mike is a movie about strippers. It is not, however, a movie about stripping. That’s an important distinction to make, as a movie about stripping, as proven by all movies about stripping, would get old fast. Gyrating to the right or to the left, dancing with a skinny girl or an old woman, dressed in trenchcoats or loincloths, the stripper still strips, his function is still to take off clothes, his biggest conflict is with a caught zipper, a button that won’t unsnap from his tearaway pants. Make no mistake, Magic Mike is quite knowledgeable in this field, but Steven Soderbergh‘s film—based on its star’s experiences on the stage—knowingly subverts its audience’s expectations, presenting a melodrama where the stripping is a glitzy side dish, something that threatens to steal both the audience’s attention and the protagonist’s autonomy. (more…)
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Eddie Kingston vs. Arik Cannon vs. Drake Younger vs. Facade vs. Davey Vega vs. Ethan Page (7/1/12)
Absolution is typically the biggest show on the AIW calendar, so I was a little surprised to see this match, which happened just a little over two months ago, uploaded on YouTube today. Three of indie wrestling’s best and three up-and-coming wrestlers met in a six-man scramble in the evening’s second match, and despite everything that happened at that show, despite a good number of contests that will go down as bests in AIW history, this is one that still sticks. Being a six-man scramble, there’s not really a narrative arc to follow here, but that’s fine. It’s a combination of talent, big moves, and surprise appearances. It’s a taste of what’s to come in AIW. And, since this is my blog and since I’m biased, it’s about that one time I got to announce a match featuring one of my favorite wrestlers. -
Movie Review: Bad Ass (2012)
You ever hear of the Epic Beard Man? If not, allow me to explain. Two years ago, in Oakland, CA, two men got into an altercation on a public bus. Why they did so isn’t exactly clear, but the 67-year-old Epic Beard Man easily gets the better of the younger man, hitting him several times in an attack that causes him to wear the proverbial crimson mask. I imagine, given the popularity of YouTube, that fights like this are filmed every day, the amateur cameraperson hoping for some sort of internet fame. This one took off though, most likely because Epic Beard Man is wearing a shirt that reads “I AM A MOTHERFUCKER,” no doubt a happy coincidence. Naturally, comparisons were drawn to Charles Bronson’s character in Death Wish, and said comparison, naturally, lead the the production of Bad Ass, a feature film based on a three-minute viral video. (more…)
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Best Worst Movie, or Worst Movie? — Batman & Robin (1997)
Cultish devotees of film often celebrate failure, box office, critical, or otherwise. By designating awards to the year’s worst movies, organizing midnight screenings of a film on the fringe, and writing endlessly about one flop or another, bad movies have a way of sticking around well beyond their typical cultural sell-by date. The phrase “so bad it’s good” is often ascribed to these movies when, in a pre-Internet, pre-Mystery Science Theatre 3000 world, they used to be considered so bad, they’re virtually forgotten. This week, as part of the Camp & Cult Blogathon at She Blogged By Night, Fear of a Ghost Planet is introducing a new feature that takes a good, hard look at the supposed jewels hiding in a cinematic junk heap. The first edition of Best Worst Movie, or Worst Movie? seeks to answer that question of Batman & Robin, long a movie the author considered a trashy favorite. How well does it hold up, fifteen years later?
Batman & Robin doesn’t take long to announce its intent to annoy. Before Robin proclaims that chicks dig the car, before our first shot of a Batcave decked out in unnecessary logos and drenched in dry ice fog, before even the first glimpse of a bat-nipple, there are the opening credits. There is Batman’s logo, quickly frozen by some neon-blue ice before giving way to the neon-red backdrop against which the primary offenders names are cast. Those two colors, not only are they among the worst man has created, but they come to dominate the color palate utilized by director Joel Schumacher, whose affectation for these two colors is, to the Gotham City styled by Tim Burton, a revisionist disaster on par with Ecce Homo.
There’s nothing good about Batman & Robin, that much I readily admit, but there’s rarely anything good about a Best Worst Movie. To appreciate something like this, to enjoy such a film, is to enjoy wallowing in muck. Well, I have been carrying this not-so-secret shame for some time: I have been a fan of Batman & Robin for fifteen years now. It’s beyond any reasonable basis of judgement, but for the better part of my life I have stuck up for this movie, in every conceivable way the ugly duckling of the Batman mythos. For the longest time, I’ve been planning to write something to that effect, to gather my reasons for liking this movie and stand my ground. Not to posit a secret genius to Schumacher’s work, per se, but to propose that, in the right frame of mind, Batman & Robin is actually enjoyable, indeed a candidate for the status of Best Worst Movie. But I recently caught the last thirty minutes on TV, and, well, they left me cold. Now, much to the chagrin of my inner-nine-year-old (who practically grew up at the local dollar theatre), I’m ready to repent. (more…)
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Movie Review: We Need to Talk About Kevin (2012)
We Need to Talk About Kevin doesn’t waste much time. From the start, we know that its title character is a murderer, moreover, that he’s responsible for a school massacre, something that’s become the new national nightmare. Its angle on the tragedy is one not often considered: The mother, who navigates through life in a permanent state of shock. It’s not so much that she didn’t expect what Kevin did to happen. On the contrary, she was suspicious of him as a toddler. What gets to her isn’t the decrepitude of her new home, the hopelessness of her new job, or even the open hostility of the neighborhood, but the knowledge that she was utterly powerless to stop the inevitable. (more…)