Colette Arrand

Category: Wrestling

  • Wrestling Worth Watching: WWE Raw (10/24/11) and SmackDown! (10/28/11)

    Wrestling Worth Watching: WWE Raw (10/24/11) and SmackDown! (10/28/11)

    WWE Raw (10/24/11)

    Kevin Nash Deadlifts Triple H: The whole segment would have been pretty awesome if it had been as quick and ruthless as an Attitude era segment, but once Kevin Nash’s assault on Triple H went on for sixteen, seventeen, twenty-seven minutes, I started hallucinating that one of the extras begging Nash for mercy was Claudio Castagnoli and that someday soon, there’d be something resembling wrestling on Raw. As it stands, Nash picking up 260 pounds of dead weight from the floor was awesome for two reasons: Triple H trying not to smile, and Nash grunting as he deadlifted his KOed ex-friend. The second part of that statement is no joke–there’s a big difference between powerbombing a dude and lifting his lifeless body off the ground, and the effort Nash exerted in lifting Triple H up did more to convey the “reality” of the situation than the somewhat-shoddy camera work that couldn’t quite hide that Nash was holding his hand over the head of the sledgehammer.

    Johnny Ace Recognizes Unsafe Working Conditions When He Sees Them: I was wondering how nobody noticed that Ace reinstated the guys who caused unsafe working conditions, and how nobody complained that Alberto Del Rio and John Cena didn’t have a freakin’ ring to have their last man standing match in. Apparently Ace saw, and is now covering his bases.

    Dynamic Dude Burns: There were two this week, one by Cena and one by Punk. I’m always a fan of obscure WCW trivia. Now they just need to give Ace his Dynamic Dudes music when he comes out to deliver his mesmerizing catchphrases.

    Yes, WCW paid good money so that Shane Douglas and Johnny Ace could enter to THE FAT BOYS. Amazingly, the company survived to see 2001.

    Zack Ryder As Cena’s Partner: NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN TO HIM TONIGHT, RIGHT GUYS?

    Del Rio and CM Punk Argue: I’d rather they wrestled, but beggars can’t be choosers, and the eventual PPV match between them should be great. Punk’s “Are you Aretha Franklin?” line was absolutely cringeworthy, but his burns on Johnny Ace, including the second Dynamic Dudes burn of the night, was pretty awesome. Somewhere, Shane Douglas is weeping into an extra large pepperoni pizza.

    Questionable Decision of the Week I: I don’t know if I’ve been complaining about how Triple H doesn’t seem to take anything seriously as the COO of the WWE, but if I have, I’m going to take that back. When he does take things seriously, he unleashes some wickedly awkward dialog that crosses the line between sentimental and unintentionally hilarious. First, it was “I love you, Pop.” Then, it was threatening to kick CM Punk’s “skinnyfat ass” (which is an actual bodybuilding insult and probably could have further legitimized CM Punk’s complaints re: HHH’s taste, but instead they never brought it up unless it was replayed in, like, every video package ever). Now, to open Raw, we have “Kevin Nash broke my heart.” How ridiculous was this line? Even looking past storyline inconsistencies (wouldn’t you expect to be backstabbed by a guy you had a Hell in a Cell match with?), pretty damn ridiculous. So ridiculous, in fact, that Joel McHale made fun of it. Behold!

    Then, as if by magic, the Triple H/Kevin Nash thing went from “Oh wow, cool,” to “Oh man, this is still happening, and we’re three commercial breaks into the show.” And then they replayed it, like, seven times. The whole thing. It’s easy enough to skip the highlight reel when I’m watching NXT or Superstars or SmackDown! on YouTube, but live? In person? It just keeps going and going and going, and then you realize that neither Nash or Triple H are full-time active competitors but it still won’t stop because stopping would reveal weakness and, hey, don’t we have a title match and the return of the Rock to build to but, wait, HHH has spinal damage, let’s see how. That’s not a sentence, but the first thirty minutes of Raw wasn’t a segment, unless it was, in which case it was written by the William Faulkner stand-in from Barton Fink, or, hell, Barton Fink himself, who was told “write a wrestling segment,” only to decide that something that only needed to be quick and dirty should be slow-burning art instead. It wasn’t, and the whole show kind of suffered for it. I still love me some Kevin Nash, though.

    Questionable Decision of the Week II: Having Alicia Fox beat Natalya. I don’t need to go any further, but I will: This was clearly meant to be a shocking moment where the crowd would go nuts seeing one of the Divas of Doom shut down by the Pez Whatley of WWE Divas, but there was no reaction from the live crowd and the shot of Eve and Kelly Kelly looking on condescendingly did nothing to further the feud. I guess this means that Kelly Kelly or Eve will get the next shot at the Diva’s Title, but, by rights, shouldn’t that belong to Alica Fox? Decisions surrounding the WWE Divas make my head hurt.

    Questionable Decision of the Week III: The Michael Cole Challenge. Literally zero people want to see Jim Ross get further embarrassed by lame-ass WWE storylines, but man is creative unrelenting. He’s fat! He’s got Bell’s Palsy! He really likes college football and barbecue! And he’s also one of the best fucking play-by-play commentators in wrestling history, a dude who doesn’t need crappy angles to engender fan sympathy because the other choices given to the fans by the WWE other than Ross have by and large been terrible. I’ve grown to kind of like heelish Michael Cole and think that he brings something to the SmackDown! table, but this angle feels rushed and horrendous, and it’s hard to take any of Michael Cole’s remarks seriously as a result. If you want JR back on Raw full time, just put him back on Raw. I promise you, nobody will complain if you spare us fifteen minutes of awkward mockery and rolling around.

    Questionable Decision of the Week IV: Having the Sharecroppers dick Zack Ryder out of his first main event. Again, here’s a guy that doesn’t need stuff like this to happen in order to garner fan support. If you put him in the ring and have the Sharecroppers work him over while John Cena looks on helplessly from his corner, I’m going to care about Zack Ryder. If you have him get taken out in the back and change the match to a handicap match (John Cena’s third favorite match!), I’m going to wonder where the hell Zack Ryder is.

    Questionable Decision of the Week V: Bringing in the Rock to team with John Cena to take on the Sharecroppers. Yes, it’ll probably be good/entertaining/worth the money, but the Miz is an ex-reality show star and R-Truth used to be K-Kwick. They’ve yet to prove themselves as capable of withstanding the verbal fury of a celebrity guest host, and now they’re going to be standing toe-to-toe with the Rock? That’s like bringing in an atomic bomb to take care of the raccoon in your garbage can. I was looking forward to seeing this as a 5 on 5 Survivor Series match, but I guess those don’t exist anymore.

    WWE SmackDown! (10/28/11) (Watch it on YouTube)

    The ICP Hatchetman in the WWE Intro: Gets me every time. There are 1000s of videos of Cena raising the championship, and they pick the one that subtly ties what is probably a quarter of the fanbase to exactly the sort of reviled, non-PG entertainment the WWE has been trying to separate themselves from.

    Everyone Come See the Greatest Show

    CM Punk Clowning Around: When Punk won at Money in the Bank, the immediate response was “Wow, we have ourselves a new Steve Austin.” That was never going to happen. Not because Austin’s popularity is unmatched and tough to replicate, but because Punk and Austin are worlds apart when it comes to personality. While the heel Austin of the Two Man Power Trip and the InVasion had some quirkiness to him, Punk is ultimately too nerdy to be the new Austin, which is fine by me. Watching him wave to the camera and pump his fist in a mock “one more match” chant is either fun or grating depending on your opinion of the guy, but CM Punk is unique, a man unto his own identity. We should stop trying to declare anybody the new anything, and be happy when wrestlers are allowed to be themselves. Afterall…isn’t that who Steve Austin was?

    Teddy Long’s Response to Being Compared to FDR: “Thank you very much, playa.”

     

    Bitching: And bitching. And bitching. And bitching. And bitching. And bitching. And bitching. And bitching. And bitching. And bitching. And bitching. And bitching. The Punk/Christian show opener was one of the best in recent memory. No HHH. No John Cena. No Randy Orton. Two dudes who are very talented on the mic talking on the mic. They had absolutely no reason for their match later on in the night, but made it compelling, regardless. This, friends, is how promo segments should be.

    R-Truth Makes A Good Point: After a good dismantling of WWE Tag Team Champions Air Boom, the Sharecroppers took to the microphone, where R-Truth said “We must have beat Cena braindead, because he picked the only guy who hates him more than we do.” I’m not sure what logic will have the Rock team with Cena this upcoming Monday (I hope it’s Muppet-related), but once again, a heel is making a plausible point. Now if they’d just explain why attacking Cena was so damn important to their master plan.

    Daniel Bryan and Tyson Kidd Argue About the Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels DVD: You know, because D-Bryan was trained by Michaels, and Kidd is connected to the Harts? Midcard arguments are awesome! Especially when they’re between awesome midcarders! And Kidd got some good digs in, asking if Bryan’s favorite part was when Shawn “cried at the beginning, cried in the middle, or cried at the end.” The whole thing was awesome until Santino and his new, stupid hair cut broke it up, because since when did Santino gain the power to make matches?

    Trent Baretta’s Tights: They feature Abe Lincoln. That’s unexpectedly awesome.

    Cody Rhodes, Guest Commentator: Just about everything he said was gold. This, too often, is not the case with guest commentators, who usually do a good job of making me wish there were other TV shows I enjoy, to facilitate easier channel changing.

    Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler: Ziggler keeps getting closer and closer to being a permanent part of the main event. Fantastic TV match against Randy Orton, who, since feuding with Christian over the summer, has consistently been part of his fair share of good matches. His mannerisms are getting goofier and goofier, and I hate that the ring apron DDT has now become a contrived spot as opposed to something that happens in the natural flow of the match, but his showings of late have actually been of interest, rather than being a long, drawn out wait for the RKO. The spot where he leapfrogged Vickie Gurerrero on the outside to attack Dolph was pretty cool, as was the finish of this bout. Good stuff.

    Daniel Bryan vs. Tyson Kidd: They had four minutes. It was the best four minutes of wrestling this week. The Sharpshooter was countered into the LaBell Lock. More, I say. MORE.

    Daniel Bryan Beard Tracker: Right now, it’s at a solid “Rugged.”

    In His Awkward Way, Big Show Puts Mark Henry Over: He’s sounding more and more like a culturally out of touch dad (“Oops, I did it again” should have been left in the ancient past, like Show-Gunns. Or that lame reference to Show-Gunns), but, while talking about hurting places where he didn’t know he had places, Show did what seemingly no other WWE main eventer was going to, and noticed that Mark Henry is an absolute monster of a man, a mover of planets. I actually kind of marked out when Show asked for the ring to be reenforced, since that’s what any old announcer worth his salt would have said of a confrontation between two huge dudes.

    CM Punk vs. Christian: Someday, these two will feud and it will be awesome. Tonight, they somehow had the third best match on the card, though it did well to build towards the eventual Punk vs. Del Rio match and continue Christian vs. Sheamus, which probably needs a Christian win at some point. If you’re a fan of either guy, this match bears watching. If not, I guess it’s a black mark on an otherwise very good episode of SmackDown!

    Awesome Booker T Line of the Week: “Cody may have cooties, for all I know.” If the rumors are true and Booker T is going to be feuding with Cody Rhodes, this is one hell of a subtle way to get that ball rolling. A close runner-up was “I like Herman Cain. He’s my guy.”

    Booker T’s Fave Five This Week: Wade Barrett, Daniel Bryan. Rough week for the Fave Five.

    Questionable Decision of the Week I: Saying that the state of the World Heavyweight Championship is “in flux.” If it really is, then it sure as hell shouldn’t be. A draw’s a draw, regardless of how the draw happens, and the champion retains on all draws. End of discussion, WWE.

    Questionable Decision of the Week II: Giving the Sharecroppers (That’s Miz and R-Truth, if you’re not up on my lingo), some tandem dance moves for their walk to the ring. Combine that with their cheerful rapping (something that they shouldn’t have brought back), and the pair are looking less and less like a dominant tag team gone rampant, and more like contestants on America’s Got Talent.

    Questionable Decision of the Week III: While it was a good extended squash, there are three or four other tag teams on the roster who could have accomplished what Air Boom did in getting destroyed by the Sharecroppers. Two pay per views ago, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne were on a level playing field. Now they get destroyed by a team that won’t even be in the hunt for the titles until after Survivor Series, if that? Were the Usos busy?

    Questionable Decision of the Week IV: The Michael Cole Challenge is actually beating Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler for worst storyline of the year. The only way this could get worse is if Cole, after winning, makes fun of Dr. Death Steve Williams and brings out Fake Diesel and Fake Razor Ramon for awkward silence the likes of which only a 2011 Brian Christopher could earn.

    At least Lawler finally admitted that Christopher was his kid. That “mystery” was hanging in the air like GTV.

  • Wrestling Worth Watching: Ring of Honor (10/22/11) and TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/27/11)

    Wrestling Worth Watching: Ring of Honor (10/22/11) and TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/27/11)

    Ring of Honor (10/22/11) (Watch it at rohwrestling.com)

    TJ Perkins vs. Mike Mondo: I’m going to go out on a limb and say that being in the Spirit Squad wasn’t the best showcase for Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, Mitch, or Mikey, as only one of them got on TV right after the dissolution of the group (Kenny), and only one of them is on TV right now (Nicky, AKA Dolph Ziggler AKA “The Heel”). Having not seen Mike Mondo outside the constraints of that gimmick (five on two handicap matches are a horrible showcase, by the way), I had to wonder what the hell they saw in the dude, but he’s a fine enough worker with a Crash Hardy style gimmick that’d probably work better if the dudes he encountered in ROH were absolute giants. TJ Perkins has been wrestling since he was 14 and, at 27-years-old, is a very well-rounded wrestler with some nifty moves. The one I liked the most was the figure-four deathlock, a cross between the figure four (obviously) and the Texas Cloverleaf. Good match to start out the second round of ROH TV tapings, and both men were signed to contracts as a result.

    The Briscoes Man Up: After being informed by Jim Cornette that they’d need to beat the All-Night Express again in order to get a shot at Wrestling’s Greatest Tag Team, the boys from Sandy Forks, DE started beating up on each other. Cornette, as usual, was fabulous in his understatement here, at once afraid of the Briscoes and trying to make sure his word was kept law.

    Kevin Steen Signs: ROH is doing with Kevin Steen what WWE should have been content to do with CM Punk–let his name be a rumor, a wave building momentum before it crashes onto the shore. When Steen does make his return for ROH, it’ll be awesome. That was less true of Punk’s return.

    Jay Lethal vs. Mike Bennett: The more I see him, the more I like Mike Bennett. His gimmick, a wrestler who is using wrestling to break into Hollywood, is exactly the sort of thing that would work in a dirty, grungy fed like Ring of Honor, and I especially like that he has some chumpy ex-Jobber with a Burgess Merrideth gimmick and the name of a horrible restaurant. What puts him over more is simply the fact that he’s a good wrestler, one who’ll probably go far in the business, and here, for the ROH TV Championship, he faces the also good Jay Lethal, who has made the most of his recent departure from TNA. Watching Jay Lethal’s ROH output directly before or after an episode of TNA’s IMPACT Wrestling  is a stark reminder of the sort of star the company could have had were they actually interested in having stars, and he continues to prove that. I think that, five shows in, Ring of Honor knows that it doesn’t have to give as much away for free as it did with the last set of tapings, so this here’s a draw, and, unlike Lethal’s win over El Generico, it doesn’t go to overtime. Good match, good show. This is a good formula, regardless of how slow ROH’s build is.

    Questionable Decision of the Week: Having the second TV Title match on TV go to a draw. I get that the time limit is part of the deal, and I know that, with one TV show and the constraints of a four-shows-at-a-time taping schedule, fitting more than one TV Title match in a month is a hard proposition. Regardless, the anti-climax isn’t really a good finish for a good-guy champion. Hell, the anti-climax is rarely a good finish for the bad guy, unless you’re Lord Steven Regal, who practically owned WCW’s television title division for much of the 90s, escaping from bouts via time limit draw and sneaky victories. Lethal and Bennet ended the match clubbering each other as the bell rang, but if I wanted to see that kind of thing, I’d probably watch MMA. If the face is going to pull out a draw via time limit, I’m under the impression that he should either be saved by the bell, or the heel should do the same. It’s a slight blemish on what was otherwise one of the best matches of the week, but there you go.

    TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/27/11)

    Samoa Joe Remembers Samoa Joe: I’m a big sucker for sentimental speeches by first time title holders, and James Storm’s was certainly that, talking about how he and his dad watched Hogan vs. Andre and how he always wanted to be a champion, even if his dad wouldn’t live to see it. But I was more excited by the prospect of Samoa Joe getting back into the main event picture. As a company, TNA should be doing everything in their power to show that they’re the exact opposite of the WWE. Putting Samoa Joe back in the title picture is a step in the right direction, even if I get the feeling that he’s going to be used as the really good wrestler who makes other decent wrestlers look really good themselves.

    Christopher Daniels Calls Rob Van Dam “Bob Van Dam:” Why this hasn’t happened before is a mystery.

    Christopher Daniels Gets Disqualified For Hitting RVD With a Toolbox: It was plastic. Because TNA is hardcore.

    Ric Flair Give Parenting Advice: “Tough love. I’m an expert at it.” According to that Grantland article, he really is.

    Bully Ray Continues to Rule: “Jeff, I’ve never respected you, because rehab is for quitters.”

    Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Roode: Given seven minutes, Bobby Roode continues to prove that TNA probably should have given him the title at Bound For Glory, and Samoa Joe continues to prove that he should be a bigger part of the company. I imagine, given an extra ten or so minutes, the two would have had a match in the running for TNA’s match of the year. But hey, Bischoff and Son needed to have another segment devoted to posturing and light McMahon Family Drama.

    Questionable Decision of the Week I: Bringing in a cast member from the Jersey Shore. TNA’s already done this once, and it didn’t work. WWE brought in Snookie for WrestleMania, and her participation has all but been swept under the rug. The worst part was that they kept talking about it. Jeff Hardy’s return match? “Watch for Ronnie next week!” Number one contentership match? “RONNIE’S GONNA BE HERE!” Ric Flair mugging Eric Bischoff’s kid in the night’s most important (to TNA management, at least) segment? THEY TALKED ABOUT RONNIE AS FLAIR STOMPED THE KID’S FACE. There is no discernible benefit to bringing in any castmates from the Jersey Shore, so I think I speak for everybody who watches wrestling when I post the following image macro:

    Questionable Decision of the Week II: Not letting Roode vs. Joe be the actual main event of the evening. Instead, the non-drama between Eric Bischoff and his son, a lesser Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon for those interested in the dusty corners of WCW trivia (the irony of Flair sticking up for Bischoff in a family matter is rich in irony for all of four people) got to chew up not one, not two, but three whole segments. The first one was amusing for the “Let’s Go Garrett” chants, further proof that TNA fans will chant anything. The second one was OK for an incoherent Ric Flair telling Garrett that his name wasn’t Ric Flair, but God. The third one, beyond being overkill, saw the invention and abortion of the Ric Flair Kiss My Ass Club, and a father punching his own son in the balls. Flair, as he gets older, looks nastier and nastier as he lays in chops and stomps and punches, but Hogan and Sting no longer appear to be part of this storyline, and it looks like we’re headed to a situation where Flair will be taking on Eric Bischoff’s son in a wrestling match. Jay Lethal? Sting? Fine. Do what you gotta do, Slick Ric. Garrett Bischoff? I hope he’s the wrestling equivalent of Rembrandt, otherwise this smacks not only of nepotism, but of a guy clearly out of touch with the realities of his age and abilities. Flair, as he’s shown a few times since “retiring” at WrestleMania 24, can still go, given either an incredibly game opponent (Lethal) or one who knows him in and out (Sting), but the dude’s got to realize that the term “special attraction” only applies if you’re not wrestling everybody, if you’re not the focus of the big angle. Two weeks ago it looked like the company was set to turn a new page, ready to focus on new people. If I’d known one of those new people was going to be Flair, as much as the guy’s an icon, I probably wouldn’t have started covering TNA on a week-to-week basis.

  • Wrestling Worth Watching: WWE Vengeance (10/23/11) and Webshows

    Wrestling Worth Watching: WWE Vengeance (10/23/11) and Webshows

    I’m going to keep putting this out there: I love indie feds. I love ’em so much I could hug them and squeeze them and love them and hug them…but I am incredibly inept at finding free, legal webshows to cover on this here blog. Oh sure, I could post a match from NWA Hollywood or FCW in this space, but I’d feel better knowing that I had your permission. If you run/know of an independent pro-wrestling promotion that could use some free, err, promotion, use the contact form and give a shout.

    WWE NXT (10/19/11) (Watch it on YouTube)

    Maxine Touts the Prowess of Derrik Bateman: He’s got a lot more flexibility and a lot more “stanima” than Titus O’Neil. Stanima. Stanima.

    STANIMA

    Curt Hawkins’ Pimp Cane: Pimp canes. Always a fan. The rest of the promo was pretty good, too…right down to Hawkins’ injury being the result of a simple shove, and Recks dedicating his victories to him.

    William Regal Mentions Jushin “Thunder” Liger: I love when wrestling announcers know what they’re talking about without sounding like absolute assholes. This is the line that separates a guy like Regal from a guy like Matt Striker.

    Diva Outfits: It looks like the 80s have abducted the WWE Diva undercard. It’s great.

    Fascinating Maxine Fact of the Week (With Local Flavor): Her auntie is a careless maiden from Guadalajara. She happens to be engaged to a one-legged Elvis impersonator who does a wonderful rendition of “Blue Suede Shoes.”

    Kaitlyn vs. Maxine: Almost single-handedly made up for the horror that was NXT Season 3.

    Derrik Bateman, On Life: “My life’s weird.” Yes, bro, it is.

    Titus O’Neil & Percy Watson vs. Derrik Bateman & JTG: I need a new way of saying “decent match, nothing spectacular.”

    Questionable Decision of the Week: Returning NXT to its roots as an awful hybrid wrestling/physical game show. This was an awful idea from word one, and it came back in Mexico, who I’m sure missed their obstacle courses and trivia challenges like everybody else. I’d be fine with it if somebody could explain to me how grabbing a bunch of flags from the ring ropes is going to prove somebody’s mettle as a future WWE superstar but, oh wait, nobody can. There is, of course, a way to make NXT an exciting TV show about the search for the next WWE Superstar, but I’m not giving any ideas away for free, and WWE seems content to allow Matt Striker and the NXT rookies to moon around the ring doing contrived sketches for the “entertainment” of 9,000 or so people, so I guess they can keep doing what they’re doing.

    WWE Superstars (10/20/11) (Watch it on YouTube)

    Mexicans Booing Jinder Mahal Because He’s Indian: The WWE’s formula works everywhere, I suppose. The reaction to Ted DiBiase had to be canned, unless the DiBiase Posse has a Mexican chapter.

    Stupid Matt Striker Fact of the Week: Jinder Mahal can’t go two steps in India without “Gypsies coming out and throwing rose petals at his feet.” The Gypsies left India in the 11th century.

    The DiBiase Posse’s Menu This Week: Tacos. A lot of them.

    Air Boom vs. A Couple of Mcs (Michael McGillicutty and Drew McIntyre): Air Boom continue to gel well as a team, and the WWE tag team division continues its slow rise back towards something like prominence. I highly doubt that A Couple of Mcs will be a team this time next week, but if they are, it’s not a bad start. This one match was better than anything McGillicutty did as a member of the New Nexus (my pick for worst stable name ever) or as David Otunga’s tag team partner. McIntyre continues to be his solid, reliable self, and my heart always warms when the bad guy stomps on the hands of the suffering face while he’s trying to make the tag. Superstars wasn’t much to write home about this week, but this was a good match. If you like tag team wrestling, check it out.

    Questionable Decision of the Week: I just noticed it, but WWE announcers have stopped referring to WWE referees by name. Instead, it’s “WWE officials” or “WWE referees.” This is terrible to a nerd like me. I can rank, in order of greatness, WCW’s 1997 referee roster. I can tell you that Jack Doan referees the vast majority of WWE’s Last Man Standing matches because he has the best ten count in the business. I know that referees are best when they’re in the background (which is why Earl Hebner is the worst referee of all time), but they all have little idiosyncrasies that add to the uniqueness of any given match. People know the names of prominent boxing and MMA referees, not to mention umpires and referees of other sports. Moreover, dedicated fans know their quirks and know what they add to the proceedings. Shouldn’t the WWE have something like that? Just a small layer of reality? It’d be nice, if nothing else, to be able to call Black Ref something more than “Black Ref.”

    "African-American Official" is too wordy.

    WWE Vengeance (10/23/11)

    Probably one of the most enjoyable WWE PPVs in a long time, up there with Money in the Bank as the best show of the year. The pleasure of Money in the Bank was purely emotional, though, as, outside of Daniel Bryan’s huge win and CM Punks now-diminished one, I really can’t remember what the hell happened. Vengeance was something like a technical masterpiece, hitting all its spots without relenting. In an effort to catch up on TV shows that I like that aren’t wrestling-related, I saw an episode of 30 Rock where Jack was “Reaganing,” or going through an entire day mistake-free, perfectly solving every problem. That was pretty much this show–big spectacle wrestling coming through and delivering in just about every match.

    Zigglerthon 2011: Dolph Ziggler wrestled two matches to open the pay per view, and both of them would have been just dandy as far as opening contests go. In the first, he and Jack Swagger, the tag team known as Swaggler (or, as Booker T would say, “Zig Zag and Swag”), went for the WWE Tag Team Titles, held by the poorly-named tandem Air Boom. It’s everything I’ve been saying about WWE’s tag team division, which, in short, means that it’s way better than it’s been since maybe the days of the SmackDown! Six. After losing, Ziggler went on to face internet favorite (and Internet Champion) Zack Ryder for Ziggler’s United States title. It was Ryder’s first pay per view match in some time, and a rather good one, to boot. While Ryder keeps making the case that there’s something more to him than just his internet presence and charmingly horrible sense of humor, Ziggler keeps making the case that he’s not tomorrow’s main event, but that he should be at the top of the card today.

    Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix: The surprise of the night, and perhaps the best televised women’s match of the year. Eve was a total shock here, as, the last time the spotlight shone on her, she was your typical face Diva. Whatever training she’s done at the Gracie gym has finally translated to the ring, and I’m left wondering why the focus of the Diva’s division has been Kelly Kelly. Eve hits the ropes convincingly, hits her moves convincingly, and took Beth Phoenix’s offense convincingly. On ye olde wrestling blog (Blogamania, brother), I said that Eve was boring and flavorless. Time will bear it out, but I’m taking those comments back. Wouldn’t mind more Eve.

    Sheamus vs. Christian: With some reservations. On the surface, this was just a very good match between a very good Christian and a still-improving Sheamus. Beyond that, I think I’m starting to take issue with how Christian is portrayed, which is odd, because I almost never care about this. In the match, Sheamus kicked out of a Christian spear at one, and the announcers made a big deal about it. Christian eventually lost to the Brogue Kick, which, I guess, is fine. Then I thought about it, and the Spear and the Brogue Kick essentially serve the same purpose for Christian and Sheamus: They’re high-impact, finishing strikes that tend to put away lesser opponents. Sheamus kicked out of Christian’s at one. Christian lost to Sheamus’. I don’t know if that’s indicative of Christian’s place, but it’s becoming obvious that Christian can’t win a match against a high profile opponent unless he finds a way to tilt the odds in his favor. Since that almost never happens, there’s hardly any suspense when he’s in the ring. That takes something away from even the most enjoyable matches.

    Triple H and CM Punk vs. The Sharecroppers: Of the three matches Triple H has had this year, this one was the best. It wasn’t facing the pressure of living up to Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels, and it wasn’t trying to keep CM Punk’s momentum going while also maintaining Triple H’s status as WWE’s resident demi-god. Instead, it was a straight-up tag team match, tightly contested, with no hint of pressure on any of the four men involved. Of course, a lot of Punk’s momentum has cooled, Triple H can waltz into an arena and have the audience in his pocket, and the Sharecroppers (that’s Miz and R-Truth, whose “Awesome Truth” moniker does them no favors), win, lose, or draw would still be one of the primary focuses of WWE programming. It was pretty obvious that the match was going to end in NASH-related shenanigans, but until it did, all four men put on a good show.

    NASH-Related Shenanigans: I am the world’s only Kevin Nash fan. I get that. Last night, however, he looked more in-shape than at any point in time since WCW died, and the Jackknife Powerbomb Triple H took was the sickest since Nash legitimately injured The Big Show’s neck with the maneuver  in 1998. Granted, a lot of that has to do with Triple H, but provided Nash is serious about what is likely his last chance to drink up the limelight, he has the potential to create some interesting television.

    Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes: Same thing with Sheamus vs. Christian, only Rhodes is probably more in need of a win in a situation like this, seeing as Christian is pretty much established and Rhodes still needs one or two solid wins to really put him over as a top bad guy. It’s amazing to me that the same people who hate John Cena’s guts find Randy Orton and appealing guy, since his matches are often structured similarly, only Orton tends to bury his opponents a little deeper than Cena does. Orton has come a long way since the chinlock was his primary attack, but he may be the least interesting protagonist in wrestling history. It’d be nice to see something about him shaken up.

    Mark Henry vs. The Big Show: Matches like this are very much the reason I still watch WWE, even though it has proven to be the biggest, most constant source of frustration in my life as a voracious consumer of pop culture. I follow indie promotions on Twitter, and after every WWE show they ask their followers (the choir, but they’ve got to tweet something) if they’re ready to stop spending money on the WWE yet. Ostensibly, the WWE is a blue-collar entertainment and, for a $15 dollar ticket, dinner at a Buffalo Wild Wings, or, if you’re wild, $55 to either WWE.com or your local cable provider, you can enjoy their wares and, with luck, go home happy. The point of the question an indie fed asks is simple: For less money, you can go to a show and see lesser-known, harder-working talent put on better matches and know that your money is directly responsible not for the livelihood of the million-or-so suits working for the WWE, but the wrestlers in the ring. What the WWE offers that these indie shows cannot is specticle.

    And that’s exactly what a match like Mark Henry vs. Big Show is, though I can’t remember the WWE delivering on their promise in quite the same way as they did here. Usually, when the WWE promotes a MONSTER VS. MONSTER match on the order of Show vs. Henry, things tank. They sag. They make me want to never turn on my TV again. This was the professional wrestling equivalent of Rampage: World Tour, and every second of it, from the opening bout of clubbering to the closing spot where the freaking ring collapsed beneath a Henry superplex, was exhilarating.

    I’m well-aware that the superplex spot has already happened, and that the Big Show was involved (as was Brock Lesnar). But this was different. This involved Mark Henry, who is much larger than Brock Lesnar, and who has been a perennial screw-up when it comes to huge spots like this. Despite how good Mark Henry has been for the past several months, this was his true coming out party–the moment where he revealed himself not only as a spectacle, but as an excellent storyteller finally worth all the money and second chances he has been given. It was also a big moment for the Big Show, who, for many, has never quite lived up to the immense hype and expectations heaped onto him when he debuted all the way back in 1995. The focus of Mark Henry’s title reign is that it’s justified fifteen years of failure. Big Show has World Titles and the occasional stand-out match or moment on his resume, but his name isn’t exactly synonymous with success, either. Despite that, he and Henry have been the most compelling angle in wrestling for the past month, and they absolutely stole the show where, six months ago, a match between the two would have filled the audience with dread. Everybody involved deserves a ton of credit for this one.

    Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena: Del Rio finally gets a long main event showcase, but must fight in a ruined ring, in a match where most of his offense is no longer in the field of play. Despite those long odds, he comes through with one of the best performances in his short WWE career, against the always underrated Cena. Essentially a better-paced WWF Hardcore Championship match from 1999, Del Rio got ragdolled by Cena quite a few times, getting hurled into a barricade at the match’s start and being dumped onto a table from a lighting rig near the end. Ricardo Rodriguez was great, as usual, as Del Rio’s meat shield, but this was very much his show, and he and Cena put together the match that the WWE must have had in mind when Del Rio first took the WWE Championship from CM Punk.

    That being said…

    Questionable Decision of the Week: As much as I’d like to put Eve’s new music here, the interference by the Sharecroppers at the end of the Cena/Del Rio match did absolutely nothing but serve to awkwardly shoehorn Cena into another feud he previously had no business in. Not only that, but it made sure that Cena, who somehow survived being buried under huge metal objects and being beaten around the arena, lost his first Last Man Standing match (he’s been in a ton) to the incredibly lame combo of a tandem beatdown and a shot from the WWE Championship, the design of which needed to be changed yesterday. If Cena is WWE’s Superman, as is often put forth, he went down last night to something decidedly less powerful than Kryptonite. A disappointing end to an otherwise unique, enjoyable match.

  • Wrestling Worth Watching: WWE Raw (10/17/11) and SmackDown! (10/21/11)

    Wrestling Worth Watching: WWE Raw (10/17/11) and SmackDown! (10/21/11)

    WWE Raw (10/17/11)

    Mexican Fans: They were given a mess of a storyline with a failed 90s jobber (Johnny Ace) at the focal point and a main event featuring Jim Ross and Michael Cole, two men whose voices they only hear on TV if directly involved in an angle. Despite that, the crowd’s reaction to everything was absolutely amazing. The WWE should do Raw and SmackDown in other countries more regularly, especially if they can figure out a way of doing them live.

    Triple H Has Immigration Issues: Stopping him from delivering a 20-minute monolog. Huzzah!

    Swaggler On the Mic: The WWE have been fairly liberal with mic time lately, and it’s resulted in the reemergence of both Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger as the future of the company. Ziggler is just a very good, free-wheeling talker. Swagger, in Mexico, decided to sing the Star Spangled Banner, which was great 1) because of his lisp, 2) because of the crowd’s reaction, and 3), because he lost his place and blamed said crowd. Swagger’s match against Zack Ryder and Ziggler’s against Mason Ryan were nothing too special, but if they’re on the mic, I’m listening.

    Jim Ross: Few men in the current WWE can get away with calling somebody else a “son of a bitch.” Few men in WWE history can do it quite like Jim Ross.

    Michael Cole’s Horrifying Orange Singlet: BEHOLD!

    Jim Ross Makes Michael Cole Tap Out: Pretty much the only positive match-related thing of Raw, which was mostly yakking and fistfights. The Mexican crowd ate it up (I don’t know why), but they deserved better than John Cena’s C-game and an encounter between two American non-wrestlers.

    Questionable Decision of the Week: Having the finish between Jim Ross and Michael Cole decide the stipulation for the WWE Title match between John Cena and Alberto Del Rio. Their storyline has been sadly inessential ever since shunting CM Punk to the side at Summerslam, and now they’re going to settle it in a Last Man Standing Match because Jim Ross made Michael Cole tap out to an ankle lock. I’ve always thought that the face works better in his role if he’s at a disadvantage, but Cena, by choosing one of his specialty matches and making Del Rio look chumpy (a shot with the ring steps put Del Rio away for a very fast 10 count), it’s another situation where it looks like Cena can’t lose. That makes things less interesting than they already were, which is too bad.

    WWE SmackDown! (10/21/11) (Watch it on YouTube)

    The Response to Alberto Del Rio: The scuttlebutt on these here interwebs had it that Del Rio was only WWE champion because of the quick Mexican tour. If that was indeed their intent, it was a great idea. Fan reaction to Del Rio was intense all week long, and his entrance on SmackDown was akin to the Chicago crowd’s response to CM Punk at this year’s Money in the Bank PPV. It didn’t surprise me, considering that Del Rio is 1) awesome and 2) the first Mexican-born WWE Champion ever, but crowd reactions like Del Rio’s are absolute gold.

    Mark Henry vs. John Morrison: If John Morrison is on his way out, as many suggest, you wouldn’t know it from the way he bumps around the ring for Mark Henry in this match, which got more play than their Raw encounter. Morrison’s finishing maneuver again looks pretty chumpy when a guy kicks out of it at one, but watching him get wrecked by the still-awesome Mark Henry is the most enjoyable Morrison’s been, for me, since his run as ECW Champion.

    Daniel Bryan Won’t Be Shaving His Beard Until WrestleMania: Be still, my beating heart.

    Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan: Not as good as their Summerslam-stealing effort a few months ago, but given the constraints of a TV time limit, Barrett and Bryan continue to demonstrate great chemistry (though everybody probably has chemistry with Daniel Bryan). It’s a wonder why their feud didn’t go on longer.

    Michael Cole Brings G.I. Bro Up: Which is streets ahead of making fun of Booker T for being in Harlem Heat.

    Cody Rhodes: He is awesome. You already knew that. He’s also maybe the first person who has managed to make Randy Orton somewhat interesting to anybody beyond Randy Orton fans since Randy came into his own as a fixture in the main event scene. Granted, Orton is still really boring, but at least I want to see the match he’s involved in.

    Máscara contra Máscara: It hasn’t really translated in the ring, but the Sin Cara vs. Sin Cara feud has been an interesting blend of lucha libre and WWE storytelling, the importance of identity and the desire for revenge. In Mexico City, the two Sin Caras collided for what is, I think, the WWE’s first mask vs. mask match, which joins a short list of American lucha de apuesta contests. This match was incredibly important for another reason, too: If Sin Cara (Mistico) failed to have a great match in front of a hometown audience against a guy wrestling his style, I’m not sure how much longer he would have lasted in the WWE. It wasn’t the best match of either man’s career, but it was a good one, the best of either’s WWE tenure thus far. In a nice touch, Sin Cara got to win with his Mexican finisher, La Mistica, a headscissors/armbar combo. If, in a few years, we’ve forgotten all about Sin Cara’s first few months in the WWE, I think this match will probably be the watershed moment where everything went right and things for the former Mistico started rolling in the right direction.

    Michael Cole’s Reportage on Sin Cara Negro’s Visage: “He’s normal, with a crew cut.”

    To Booker T, this picture represents the ugliest thing in the world.

    Beth and Natalya Get Microphone Time: And sound way less awkward than most divas do on the mic. After Beth and Natalya turned heel, it was only a matter of time before they started getting the facetime necessary to establish themselves as the duo the rest of the divas would need to gun for. Adding that submission move was a great idea, and dropping the lame “eat your vegetables” platitudes was wise. Now they’re only about hurting people to cause the fans some anguish.

    Big Show Doing Push-Ups: PUSH-UPS.

    Ricardo Rodriguez’s Utter Disdain For Mexico: This man can do no wrong. For my money, the best male valet ever (note, there’s a difference between “valet” and “manager”).

    Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show: Nothing super fancy, and the cross-armbreaker spot used here was better utilized in the match between Sara Del Ray and Claudio Castagnoli, but the Big Show’s first match in four moths is probably his best singles outing in a few years. He was rejuvenated as Chris Jericho’s tag team partner, but he hasn’t looked this surehanded on his own since his run as the ECW Champion, way back in 2006. Somehow, I’m looking forward to his match against Mark Henry at Vengeance, when, previously, a match between the two would make me reconsider my decision to watch.

    Questionable Decision of the Week I: Sheamus’ nickname, “The Great White,” is now official, appearing on the TitanTron as he heads down to the ring. Of course, the WWE probably wants it to make people think of the great white shark, but anybody watching with even a modicum of sports history knowledge will associate the nickname with the phrase “great white hope,” which dates back to the days when Jack Johnson, an African-American, was a threat to the heavyweight championship of boxing. When he finally won a world championship, the press actually begged for a “great white hope” to prove Caucasian athletic supremacy. Long story short, if Sheamus starts feuding with Mark Henry for the World Heavyweight Championship, his nickname is going to become a cringe-machine.

    Questionable Decision of the Week II: Every diva beyond Beth and Natalya has pretty much the worst theme music since the American Males. Every song–every song–is about how hot the diva is, and is usually sung by some lifeless schmoe who’d be doing the world more good by working late-shift at the local Waffle House. Compare and contrast:

    I think my dislike of a lot of wrestlers directly correlates to how miserable their theme music makes me. Sure, talent is one thing, but I can look beyond that when you’re taking up less than 1% of my week. Run afoul of my musical sensibilities, and that all changes. Eve, like Kelly Kelly, Brooke Tessmacher, and a litany of women the WWE’s hired who’ve gradually transformed into wrestlers, have all improved, but with their music and the commentary team reminding me that I’m supposed to like these women because they’re attractive, I tend to look past the positives and detest that which is rammed down my throat.

  • Wrestling Worth Watching: Ring of Honor (10/15/11) and TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/20/11)

    Wrestling Worth Watching: Ring of Honor (10/15/11) and TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/20/11)

    Ring of Honor (10/15/11)

    Briscoe Brothers Interview: I could listen to Jay and Mark talk about hauling 400 lbs. of dead chickens around their father’s farm all day. So far, there’s been a ton of focus on the Briscoes, which makes sense seeing as they’re probably the longest tenured guys on the ROH roster, and they’ve been a consistently rewarding presence. Them chickens smell as bad as Hass and Benjamin.

    The Briscoe Brothers vs. The All Night Express: These two teams have been feuding long enough that I saw them live in Dearborn, MI back in June, but their every match, be it no disqualification, first blood, or Ladder match rules, hasn’t suffered for familiarity. Though I was under the impression that their ladder match was a feud-ender for #1 contendership to Hass and Benjamin’s Tag Team Titles, this bout was also billed as such and, as a straight, no-frills tag team match, was just as good, if not more so, than the one I saw live. Rhett Titus and Kenny King, the All Night Express, are proof that ROH can find (and find purpose for) new guys in the wake of roster-shifting events, and they’ve really grown as personalities over the past year. The finish to this was a little unintentionally funny, as Kevin Kelly begged referee Todd Sinclair to keep Titus and Mark Briscoe away from the ringside commentary table, which was enough of a distraction that Jay was able to kick King in the groin and roll him up for the win. It’s been awhile since a company has put the commentary table right next to the ring, and even longer since that placement played into the finish in some way other than having one guy put the other through it. Clever.

    Michel Elgin vs. Eddie Edwards: I think, were someone new to wrestling to watch this match, that the line between “it’s fake” and “it’s real(ish)” would blur just a bit, which is as much as you can ask of an American wrestling match in the internet age. Oh sure, the matches are predetermined, but it’s tough to watch these two chop, kick, and clothesline each other silly without cringing a little bit. I’m still indifferent to Eddie Edwards and his tag partner/ROH World Champion Davey Richards, but I’m starting to warm up to Elgin, who is decidedly old-school looking and is, from the looks of things, two years of male-pattern baldness away from rocking a mean skullet. Despite that he’s only 235 lbs., he looks like an absolute freak of nature and wrestles like one, too. He’s one to watch.

    Questionable Decision of the Week: Taking a commercial break during the main event of a pre-taped show. There should be a moratorium on going to commercial during a match across WWE, TNA, and ROH, to be honest. Cut two minutes away from the opening monologue or any number of hype videos, and you can show a full match, without interrupting the flow with an ad for Hardee’s Steakhouse Burger or Light Strike backyard laser tag. This is especially true of a show you’re posting in full on line. Edit out the commercial breaks and stitch the missing footage back in. Worse, during the Elgin/Edwards match, they cut away from the match as it happened to show an ad for rohwrestling.com. Create a little ad for the bottom of the screen. Don’t obscure the action. It’s the little things that will truly set a product like ROH apart from their competition.

    TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/20/11)

    TNA’s Largest Audience Ever: They pulled in 2,000,000 viewers for the first time ever this past thursday, which, for the longest time, seemed as impossible as landing on the moon once did. Did TNA’s 2,000,000 viewers get enough to keep them coming back for more? Well…no.

    James Storm: A whopping 23 minutes and three commercial breaks into the opening segment of IMPACT, “Cowboy” James Storm delivers the first good line of the night when he climbed into the ring and said hello to “Curtis Angle.” I’m a simple man, but that sort of disrespect gets me every time. Even after 23 minutes and three commercial breaks of talking. Also of note: “Sting, we both wear sunglasses indoors.”

    Tara & Brooke Tessmacher vs. Winter and Angelina Love: If you asked me in 2007, when Extreme Expose was wasting six minutes of ECW a week, who the better wrestler in 2011 would be, Kelly Kelly or Brooke, I would have said “Well, I hope they’ll both be out of wrestling by then.” Neither of them are, and both of them are now current or former titleholders. It’s easy to point to Kelly Kelly as a person who has majorly improved, but Brooke (TNA finally dropped the “Miss”) actually makes a majority of her offense look convincing, which is something I doubt Kelly will ever master, no matter how loud she screams during the headscissors. Granted, I’d prefer seeing Sara Del Rey or Ayako Hamada (who TNA once freakin’ HAD on their roster) every week, but whoever trained Brooke did a solid job, and should be commended.

    Jeff Hardy’s Full Name: If you say “Jeffery Nero Hardy,” I’m gonna laugh. If you keep calling him “Nero,” like he’s some sort of cat, I’m going to keep laughing.

    D’Lo Brown and Al Snow: I suppose TNA heard the “D’Lo” and “Head” chants at Bound For Glory and decided to give them room during the Hardy/Jarrett confrontation to appease the audience. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but if two Attitude-era guys are being allowed to steal the spotlight from what is probably your biggest angle, and the crowd appears to want it, you should maybe consider refocusing the angle.

    Gail Kim: Awes0me, even if she’s going to be hanging around the eternal screamfest that is Karen Jarrett. Kim’s WWE output has made her fairly underrated, and now she’s back in the company she made her name in. Granted Awesome Kong is no longer around to feud with, but Kim as an active, happy competitor is good news.

    Eric Bischoff Claims He’s the Man Who Made Hogan Who He Is Today: Finally, someone to blame for those Rent-A-Center ads.

    Eric Bischoff’s Kid’s Tattoo: Of all the questionable tattoos in the world, few will come near Garret Bischoff’s tattoo of a surfboard that reads “Bischoff.” I know Eric is a relentless marketer and self-promoter, but this tattoo takes it to a new level.

    Questionable Decision of the Week I: Devoting thirty minutes to Sting/Hulk Hogan, Sting/Dixie Carter, Sting/Kurt Angle, and Sting/Bobby Roode/Kurt Angle. You guys just had your biggest, maybe best, show of the year. How about following that up with some wrestling? Or a shorter segment that leads into wrestling? Something involving wrestling? Please?

    Questionable Decision of the Week II: Roode “getting screwed.” From the way Bobby Roode whined, you’d think that Kurt Angle came down and ordered referee Kurt Angle to call for the bell, rung by timekeeper Kurt Angle, signifying Bobby Roode’s loss to Kurt Angle via phantom submission. He held the rope, dude. If anybody screwed you, it was the dude who decided to end the match that way, and the guy who decided not to mention your arm clearly hanging underneath the ropes. Besides the questionable rhetoric, I got tired of hearing people talk about screwing Roode. I didn’t even laugh when Angle said he screwed him in the ass.

    Questionable Decision of the Week III: Bringing Jeff Hardy back. Granted, I suppose you could say that he’s part of the reason TNA grabbed their best ratings ever, but I feel like I’ve been down this road a million times, and not just with Hardy, who is making something like his fourth drug-or-burnout-realated comeback in six years. People…they still love him, but after firing his brother for similar reasons that should have seen Jeff out the door, after miraculously getting off light for drug trafficking charges, and based on past experience with TNA writer Vince Russo booked drug and alcohol “redemption” angles (Road Warrior Hawk and Scott Hall come to mind), I can’t help but be skeptical. Granted, Hardy is a mega-over face and won’t be treated like a joke, as Hawk and Hall were, but when the heel says “you no-showed on this company multiple times” and “you’ve got issues that probably aren’t sorted out” and “you don’t deserve to waltz back into your main event spot,” I’m going to be agreeing a lot with the heel, which is bad. Then again, who knows? Maybe Jeff is motivated, mentally ready, and still has enough of a fanbase to justify handing him a fourth of IMPACT Wrestling. If that’s the case, have him say “You’re right, I don’t deserve my spot, but I’m going to earn it,” instead of “THESE FANS WANT ME BACK!” Make him redeemable. Right now, he doesn’t deserve jack.

    Questionable Decision of the Week IV: James Storm beats Kurt Angle for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship…in less than 60 seconds. I understand why, and don’t find fault with TNA for getting the title off of an injured Angle, but this swap is indicative of TNA’s utter inability to change directions as needed. As soon as Angle got injured last night, that should have sealed Roode winning. It didn’t. Then Kurt Angle came out and said that there was a no-rematch clause in their contract. This, of course, makes no sense, as an Angle/Roode rematch is pretty much the only way to go, beyond not screwing up the week before. Then, TNA’s big belt changed hands in less than a minute for the second time this year. I’m not sure that the words “title prestige” mean much in 2011, but if they did, the legitimacy of TNA’s main strap would be unable to hold. Grated, we now stand to see an ROH-lite story of a friendly rivalry between partners over the main title, but all that work TNA put into Roode’s ascension to the main event? Pretty much worthless.

  • Wrestling Worth Watching: TNA Bound For Glory (10/16/11) and Webshows

    Wrestling Worth Watching: TNA Bound For Glory (10/16/11) and Webshows

    If you know of any indie wrestling webshows that might be worth featuring in this space, please let me know. I’m all for indies, but, right now, the WWE is the only promotion I know of with a major web presence, in that they have full shows, with full matches, available on YouTube. I wish their developmental league, FCW, did the same, but alas, their TV show is uploaded to YouTube illegally and infrequently, meaning I’ll only be able to cover it here and there, and will probably never have a handle on their ongoing storylines. Bound For Glory coverage is below, but first, you must suffer the wrath of NXT: Redemption and Heath Slater.

    WWE NXT: Redemption (10/12/11) (Watch it on YouTube)

    Derrik Bateman and Maxine: I wasn’t much for Maxine or any of the Diva hopefuls on NXT season three, but this pairing, “born out of spite,” is pretty good, Maxine’s somewhat wooden delivery of lines be damned. Bateman’s just the right amount of cocky, knows how to respond to a hostile/uncaring crowd, and works cheap heat into his promos in interesting ways. The two actually make out on occasion, as well. Not that I watch wrestling for the liplocks, but usually when a man and a woman are dating on WWE programming, you only know it because the woman stands at ringside and looks bored as her man wrestles. It’s a somewhat refreshing change of pace.

    Kissing? GROSS.

    Percy Watson and Titus O’Neil Call Maxine and Bateman the Ugliest Couple in WWE History: Meaning I get to post Harvey Whippleman’s touching ode to Bertha Faye.

    William Regal’s Maxine Fact of the Week: A cousin of her’s is a champion hula-hooper from Bangkok. She grows prize turnips, and is an amateur ferret-wrangler.

    AJ vs. Maxine: Probably the best diva’s match on WWE or TNA this week. Not much competition, but hey, it was pretty good. I wish they’d go ahead and give both women a last name by now, though.

    The Usos vs. C. Reks (Curt Hawkins & Tyler Reks): If the WWE is serious about bringing back tag team wrestling, matches like this are a good building block. Last week’s match and this one between these two teams was quite polished, and both teams look ready for a program against a team like Air Boom or Swaggler, depending on who gets the titles at Vengeance. Until one of them steps up to the main roster, I’ll take matches like this on my internets every week, if you don’t mind.

    William Regal: “I’ve spent a fortune on gambling, partying, and naughty women. The rest I’ve just spent foolishly.”

    Percy Watson vs. Derrik Bateman: I’ll take matches like this every week, too. Can’t say I love Watson’s moveset, but he looks good in the ring. Bateman’s also worth watching. They’ll inject some much needed life into Raw or SmackDown! (or, more likely, Superstars) whenever NXT: Redemption finally comes to an end.

    Questionable Decision of the Week: Letting Percy Watson and Titus O’Neil talk without a script. Or if they were scripted, not firing the dude who wrote it. Between Watson’s frequent Kool-Aid Man interjections and O’Neil’s genuine awkwardness, I spend most of my time annoyed with the two of them.

    WWE Superstars (10/13/11) (Watch it on YouTube)

    Drew McIntyre: I’ve had a soft spot for Drew since I went to a house show earlier this year. His circumstance is fairly unfortunate, as, after an early-career push as Vince McMahon’s “chosen one,” he seems to have stalled out completely. With a slight change of gimmick, he’d probably do what Cody Rhodes and R-Truth before him have done and rise up the WWE ranks. What doesn’t need to change is his offense. I think I’ve heard every announcer in the history of wrestling say that a guy “uses the ring as a weapon.” McIntyre is the first who the phrase actually applies to. In his match against Alex Riley, he steps back from a flying Riley and shoves his face into the ring apron. I’ve also seen him squash legs between the rings steps and turnbuckle post, and yank the shoulder through the metal girder that makes up the outer perimeter of the ring. I appreciate unique touches like that.

    Ezekiel Jackson’s New Gear: Looking less and less like Ahmed Johnson all the time, bro.

    You don't want to look like Ahmed, lest your career take a Pearl River plunge.

    Ridiculous Claims of Manliness on the Behalf of Heath Slater: This week, we learn that Heath Slater likes to go to bars, put on Skynard, and challenge people to fights. I’d like to live in a world where this was true, because I’d be living in a world where Heath Slater’s face is turned into ground beef on a nightly basis. Alas, I’m merely meant to believe that Heath is some sort of tough guy. I refuse to believe any such claims. It’s either funnier/disrespectful depending on what you make of the assault charges filed against Slater earlier this year.

    I will fight you. But only to southern rock. And only if you're a woman.

    TNA Bound For Glory (10/16/11)

    Kendrick vs. Austin Aries: Just a good opening match between two guys who are very good at what they do. Cool spots aren’t quite enough to get me behind a wrestling match, but Kendrick and Aries are two guys who can string together a solid wrestling match, and they set the tone for a card that was full of blood and violence by going move for move, counter for counter. It didn’t quite steal the show, but it made me glad that Aries went back on the talk that he was retiring from wrestling. He’s great, and I wish more wrestlers were like him.

    Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn: I’d like to say I was shocked by how not terrible this match was, but their encounter at Destination X was better than expected, and this bout, which added a poorly-named No Disqualification stipulation (if your announcers can’t explain what “Full Metal Mayhem” is, then don’t book the match with that title), was no different. In fact, it was probably a little closer to the ECW matches that finally made Lynn a name after a career’s worth of solid work, and if this is his televised swan song, living up to the encounters that brought you to the dance is a good way to go out. Of course, if he sticks around, I wouldn’t be opposed. Lynn’s a solid hand, and, as long as the crowd doesn’t get on his case about looking like Randy the Ram, his presence in TNA’s X-Division would be welcome.

    Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan vs. Crimson: This match was way better than I expected it to be, thanks in large part to Samoa Joe finding another gear and wrestling like his higly-motivated former self, circa 2007. I hardly ever expect logic from TNA three ways, but this one had it, never failed to entertain, and was well paced. I would have loved a Samoa Joe win, but you can’t always get what you want.

    Bully Ray Piledrives Mr. Anderson on Concrete: That spot is in my blood. It calls to me. When Bully Ray actually hit Anderson with it in the back, my heart did a backflip. It’s a shame the piledriver hasn’t gone back to being a match-ending spot (the move used to be instant death), but I’ll take any televised piledriver in 2011.

    AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels: I’m not a big fan of either guy, and I wasn’t quite sure about putting two high-flying guys into an I Quit match, but the match delivered on it’s premise for the most part and justified its goofy ending by having Daniels bumrush Styles at the conclusion. Towards the end of the match, Daniels was choking out Styles with a chair when he grabbed the microphone and threatened to literally kill Styles, which is something I don’t recall happening too much in a wrestling match. Obviously this meant that Styles was going to win, but it was a great, Terry Funk-lite moment that led to the ending, which was less great, but with a flash of Mick Foley’s I Quit match, minus the specter of Milena. The heel, when faced with a face carrying a screwdriver aimed for the eyes, should probably do two things: Lose the eye (like Funk would) or quit out of cowardice, like Foley. Either route was fine, and it’s good that the course wasn’t diverted.

    Lie there while I literally murder you!

    Jeff Jarrett’s Stupid Skull Shirt Gets Ripped Apart: I stopped caring about Jeff Jarrett in 1999, and Jeff Hardy around the first break-up of the Hardy Boyz, and my not caring about either has kind of paid off as Jarrett’s largely been a non-factor in wrestling beyond an OK feud with Booker T and some decent stuff in TNA, and Hardy has pretty much been the world’s biggest flake. The only think I appreciated about the Hardy/Jarrett argument/brawl from Bound For Glory (which is presumably why the tag title match was pushed off the card) is that Jeff Jarrett’s stupid skull shirt got shredded. I hate skull shirts. I hate them even more when dudes over 40 wear them in public. Rip that shirt, Jeff Hardy. Kill it good.

    D’Lo Brown: My inner-child wanted to know why he wasn’t still wearing a chest protector.

    You're looking at the real deal, now.

    Sting Finally Gets a Cleanish Win Over Hulk Hogan: Too bad it was still marred by awful storylines, copious interference, and, oh yeah, the fact that Hulk Hogan, after a back surgery, can’t actually wrestle. Also, too bad it wasn’t in 1997. I was expecting him to hit the leg drop and dissolve into a puddle of goo. Instead, he bled buckets and awkwardly turned face. MORE ON THAT LATER.

    Bobby Roode vs. Kurt Angle: It was just OK, a lesser version of any number of Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle matches, which I was never really that big a fan of, to be honest, and was certainly lacking Benoit’s intensity. I would have been fine with that had Roode won, but he didn’t. MORE ON THAT LATER, TOO.

    Questionable Decision of the Week I: Karren Jarrett as the special referee of the Knockouts Title match. TNA’s women’s division can usually be counted on for a solid match, every time out, but not with a special referee who is obviously only going to pull for one of the four people involved in the match, who obviously doesn’t know much about refereeing, and who obviously doesn’t have much business in a wrestling ring. I don’t know if I’m supposed to see the irony in a former-stripper ragging on the women’s division for looking like strippers, but it added too much unnecessary b.s. to a match that should have been about one woman’s quest to win her first title. Instead, we get a screwy finish and a ton of impending drama that’s going to be hard to care about. This match, by the way, is where the PPV nearly lost all its momentum.

    Questionable Decision of the Week II: Hulk Hogan turning face. The crowd ate it up, but seriously, it’s 2011: Stop devoting valuable television time to the architects of the nWo. They’re never going to be responsible for something that big again, and I can’t say that I’m looking forward to the any number of eventual Hulk Hogan matches, especially because one of them will probably be against Ric Flair, who is another guy who should probably be legally prohibited from stepping foot into a building with a wrestling ring.The live crowd ate up Hogan turning face because Sting asked him too, but, beyond it bearing a resemblance to Return of the Jedi, it ate up a lot of time that could have been devoted to, I dunno, wrestling.

    Questionable Decision of the Week III: Kurt Angle retains the World Title. Way to create a new star, guys. I don’t care if Roode has a case for a rematch; if you build a show around this being a career-defining, page-turning moment in the history of your company and, on the biggest show on your calendar, fail to follow through on that promise, what was the point of making that promise in the first place?

    I'm with you, dude.

    Random YouTube Video of the Week