TJ Perkins vs. Mike Mondo: I’m going to go out on a limb and say that being in the Spirit Squad wasn’t the best showcase for Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, Mitch, or Mikey, as only one of them got on TV right after the dissolution of the group (Kenny), and only one of them is on TV right now (Nicky, AKA Dolph Ziggler AKA “The Heel”). Having not seen Mike Mondo outside the constraints of that gimmick (five on two handicap matches are a horrible showcase, by the way), I had to wonder what the hell they saw in the dude, but he’s a fine enough worker with a Crash Hardy style gimmick that’d probably work better if the dudes he encountered in ROH were absolute giants. TJ Perkins has been wrestling since he was 14 and, at 27-years-old, is a very well-rounded wrestler with some nifty moves. The one I liked the most was the figure-four deathlock, a cross between the figure four (obviously) and the Texas Cloverleaf. Good match to start out the second round of ROH TV tapings, and both men were signed to contracts as a result.
The Briscoes Man Up: After being informed by Jim Cornette that they’d need to beat the All-Night Express again in order to get a shot at Wrestling’s Greatest Tag Team, the boys from Sandy Forks, DE started beating up on each other. Cornette, as usual, was fabulous in his understatement here, at once afraid of the Briscoes and trying to make sure his word was kept law.
Kevin Steen Signs: ROH is doing with Kevin Steen what WWE should have been content to do with CM Punk–let his name be a rumor, a wave building momentum before it crashes onto the shore. When Steen does make his return for ROH, it’ll be awesome. That was less true of Punk’s return.
Jay Lethal vs. Mike Bennett: The more I see him, the more I like Mike Bennett. His gimmick, a wrestler who is using wrestling to break into Hollywood, is exactly the sort of thing that would work in a dirty, grungy fed like Ring of Honor, and I especially like that he has some chumpy ex-Jobber with a Burgess Merrideth gimmick and the name of a horrible restaurant. What puts him over more is simply the fact that he’s a good wrestler, one who’ll probably go far in the business, and here, for the ROH TV Championship, he faces the also good Jay Lethal, who has made the most of his recent departure from TNA. Watching Jay Lethal’s ROH output directly before or after an episode of TNA’s IMPACT Wrestling is a stark reminder of the sort of star the company could have had were they actually interested in having stars, and he continues to prove that. I think that, five shows in, Ring of Honor knows that it doesn’t have to give as much away for free as it did with the last set of tapings, so this here’s a draw, and, unlike Lethal’s win over El Generico, it doesn’t go to overtime. Good match, good show. This is a good formula, regardless of how slow ROH’s build is.
Questionable Decision of the Week: Having the second TV Title match on TV go to a draw. I get that the time limit is part of the deal, and I know that, with one TV show and the constraints of a four-shows-at-a-time taping schedule, fitting more than one TV Title match in a month is a hard proposition. Regardless, the anti-climax isn’t really a good finish for a good-guy champion. Hell, the anti-climax is rarely a good finish for the bad guy, unless you’re Lord Steven Regal, who practically owned WCW’s television title division for much of the 90s, escaping from bouts via time limit draw and sneaky victories. Lethal and Bennet ended the match clubbering each other as the bell rang, but if I wanted to see that kind of thing, I’d probably watch MMA. If the face is going to pull out a draw via time limit, I’m under the impression that he should either be saved by the bell, or the heel should do the same. It’s a slight blemish on what was otherwise one of the best matches of the week, but there you go.
TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/27/11)
Samoa Joe Remembers Samoa Joe: I’m a big sucker for sentimental speeches by first time title holders, and James Storm’s was certainly that, talking about how he and his dad watched Hogan vs. Andre and how he always wanted to be a champion, even if his dad wouldn’t live to see it. But I was more excited by the prospect of Samoa Joe getting back into the main event picture. As a company, TNA should be doing everything in their power to show that they’re the exact opposite of the WWE. Putting Samoa Joe back in the title picture is a step in the right direction, even if I get the feeling that he’s going to be used as the really good wrestler who makes other decent wrestlers look really good themselves.
Christopher Daniels Calls Rob Van Dam “Bob Van Dam:” Why this hasn’t happened before is a mystery.
Christopher Daniels Gets Disqualified For Hitting RVD With a Toolbox: It was plastic. Because TNA is hardcore.
Ric Flair Give Parenting Advice: “Tough love. I’m an expert at it.” According to that Grantland article, he really is.
Bully Ray Continues to Rule: “Jeff, I’ve never respected you, because rehab is for quitters.”
Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Roode: Given seven minutes, Bobby Roode continues to prove that TNA probably should have given him the title at Bound For Glory, and Samoa Joe continues to prove that he should be a bigger part of the company. I imagine, given an extra ten or so minutes, the two would have had a match in the running for TNA’s match of the year. But hey, Bischoff and Son needed to have another segment devoted to posturing and light McMahon Family Drama.
Questionable Decision of the Week I: Bringing in a cast member from the Jersey Shore. TNA’s already done this once, and it didn’t work. WWE brought in Snookie for WrestleMania, and her participation has all but been swept under the rug. The worst part was that they kept talking about it. Jeff Hardy’s return match? “Watch for Ronnie next week!” Number one contentership match? “RONNIE’S GONNA BE HERE!” Ric Flair mugging Eric Bischoff’s kid in the night’s most important (to TNA management, at least) segment? THEY TALKED ABOUT RONNIE AS FLAIR STOMPED THE KID’S FACE. There is no discernible benefit to bringing in any castmates from the Jersey Shore, so I think I speak for everybody who watches wrestling when I post the following image macro:
Questionable Decision of the Week II: Not letting Roode vs. Joe be the actual main event of the evening. Instead, the non-drama between Eric Bischoff and his son, a lesser Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon for those interested in the dusty corners of WCW trivia (the irony of Flair sticking up for Bischoff in a family matter is rich in irony for all of four people) got to chew up not one, not two, but three whole segments. The first one was amusing for the “Let’s Go Garrett” chants, further proof that TNA fans will chant anything. The second one was OK for an incoherent Ric Flair telling Garrett that his name wasn’t Ric Flair, but God. The third one, beyond being overkill, saw the invention and abortion of the Ric Flair Kiss My Ass Club, and a father punching his own son in the balls. Flair, as he gets older, looks nastier and nastier as he lays in chops and stomps and punches, but Hogan and Sting no longer appear to be part of this storyline, and it looks like we’re headed to a situation where Flair will be taking on Eric Bischoff’s son in a wrestling match. Jay Lethal? Sting? Fine. Do what you gotta do, Slick Ric. Garrett Bischoff? I hope he’s the wrestling equivalent of Rembrandt, otherwise this smacks not only of nepotism, but of a guy clearly out of touch with the realities of his age and abilities. Flair, as he’s shown a few times since “retiring” at WrestleMania 24, can still go, given either an incredibly game opponent (Lethal) or one who knows him in and out (Sting), but the dude’s got to realize that the term “special attraction” only applies if you’re not wrestling everybody, if you’re not the focus of the big angle. Two weeks ago it looked like the company was set to turn a new page, ready to focus on new people. If I’d known one of those new people was going to be Flair, as much as the guy’s an icon, I probably wouldn’t have started covering TNA on a week-to-week basis.
Briscoe Brothers Interview: I could listen to Jay and Mark talk about hauling 400 lbs. of dead chickens around their father’s farm all day. So far, there’s been a ton of focus on the Briscoes, which makes sense seeing as they’re probably the longest tenured guys on the ROH roster, and they’ve been a consistently rewarding presence. Them chickens smell as bad as Hass and Benjamin.
The Briscoe Brothers vs. The All Night Express: These two teams have been feuding long enough that I saw them live in Dearborn, MI back in June, but their every match, be it no disqualification, first blood, or Ladder match rules, hasn’t suffered for familiarity. Though I was under the impression that their ladder match was a feud-ender for #1 contendership to Hass and Benjamin’s Tag Team Titles, this bout was also billed as such and, as a straight, no-frills tag team match, was just as good, if not more so, than the one I saw live. Rhett Titus and Kenny King, the All Night Express, are proof that ROH can find (and find purpose for) new guys in the wake of roster-shifting events, and they’ve really grown as personalities over the past year. The finish to this was a little unintentionally funny, as Kevin Kelly begged referee Todd Sinclair to keep Titus and Mark Briscoe away from the ringside commentary table, which was enough of a distraction that Jay was able to kick King in the groin and roll him up for the win. It’s been awhile since a company has put the commentary table right next to the ring, and even longer since that placement played into the finish in some way other than having one guy put the other through it. Clever.
Michel Elgin vs. Eddie Edwards: I think, were someone new to wrestling to watch this match, that the line between “it’s fake” and “it’s real(ish)” would blur just a bit, which is as much as you can ask of an American wrestling match in the internet age. Oh sure, the matches are predetermined, but it’s tough to watch these two chop, kick, and clothesline each other silly without cringing a little bit. I’m still indifferent to Eddie Edwards and his tag partner/ROH World Champion Davey Richards, but I’m starting to warm up to Elgin, who is decidedly old-school looking and is, from the looks of things, two years of male-pattern baldness away from rocking a mean skullet. Despite that he’s only 235 lbs., he looks like an absolute freak of nature and wrestles like one, too. He’s one to watch.
Questionable Decision of the Week: Taking a commercial break during the main event of a pre-taped show. There should be a moratorium on going to commercial during a match across WWE, TNA, and ROH, to be honest. Cut two minutes away from the opening monologue or any number of hype videos, and you can show a full match, without interrupting the flow with an ad for Hardee’s Steakhouse Burger or Light Strike backyard laser tag. This is especially true of a show you’re posting in full on line. Edit out the commercial breaks and stitch the missing footage back in. Worse, during the Elgin/Edwards match, they cut away from the match as it happened to show an ad for rohwrestling.com. Create a little ad for the bottom of the screen. Don’t obscure the action. It’s the little things that will truly set a product like ROH apart from their competition.
TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/20/11)
TNA’s Largest Audience Ever: They pulled in 2,000,000 viewers for the first time ever this past thursday, which, for the longest time, seemed as impossible as landing on the moon once did. Did TNA’s 2,000,000 viewers get enough to keep them coming back for more? Well…no.
James Storm: A whopping 23 minutes and three commercial breaks into the opening segment of IMPACT, “Cowboy” James Storm delivers the first good line of the night when he climbed into the ring and said hello to “Curtis Angle.” I’m a simple man, but that sort of disrespect gets me every time. Even after 23 minutes and three commercial breaks of talking. Also of note: “Sting, we both wear sunglasses indoors.”
Tara & Brooke Tessmacher vs. Winter and Angelina Love: If you asked me in 2007, when Extreme Expose was wasting six minutes of ECW a week, who the better wrestler in 2011 would be, Kelly Kelly or Brooke, I would have said “Well, I hope they’ll both be out of wrestling by then.” Neither of them are, and both of them are now current or former titleholders. It’s easy to point to Kelly Kelly as a person who has majorly improved, but Brooke (TNA finally dropped the “Miss”) actually makes a majority of her offense look convincing, which is something I doubt Kelly will ever master, no matter how loud she screams during the headscissors. Granted, I’d prefer seeing Sara Del Rey or Ayako Hamada (who TNA once freakin’ HAD on their roster) every week, but whoever trained Brooke did a solid job, and should be commended.
Jeff Hardy’s Full Name: If you say “Jeffery Nero Hardy,” I’m gonna laugh. If you keep calling him “Nero,” like he’s some sort of cat, I’m going to keep laughing.
D’Lo Brown and Al Snow: I suppose TNA heard the “D’Lo” and “Head” chants at Bound For Glory and decided to give them room during the Hardy/Jarrett confrontation to appease the audience. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but if two Attitude-era guys are being allowed to steal the spotlight from what is probably your biggest angle, and the crowd appears to want it, you should maybe consider refocusing the angle.
Gail Kim: Awes0me, even if she’s going to be hanging around the eternal screamfest that is Karen Jarrett. Kim’s WWE output has made her fairly underrated, and now she’s back in the company she made her name in. Granted Awesome Kong is no longer around to feud with, but Kim as an active, happy competitor is good news.
Eric Bischoff Claims He’s the Man Who Made Hogan Who He Is Today: Finally, someone to blame for those Rent-A-Center ads.
Eric Bischoff’s Kid’s Tattoo: Of all the questionable tattoos in the world, few will come near Garret Bischoff’s tattoo of a surfboard that reads “Bischoff.” I know Eric is a relentless marketer and self-promoter, but this tattoo takes it to a new level.
Questionable Decision of the Week I: Devoting thirty minutes to Sting/Hulk Hogan, Sting/Dixie Carter, Sting/Kurt Angle, and Sting/Bobby Roode/Kurt Angle. You guys just had your biggest, maybe best, show of the year. How about following that up with some wrestling? Or a shorter segment that leads into wrestling? Something involving wrestling? Please?
Questionable Decision of the Week II: Roode “getting screwed.” From the way Bobby Roode whined, you’d think that Kurt Angle came down and ordered referee Kurt Angle to call for the bell, rung by timekeeper Kurt Angle, signifying Bobby Roode’s loss to Kurt Angle via phantom submission. He held the rope, dude. If anybody screwed you, it was the dude who decided to end the match that way, and the guy who decided not to mention your arm clearly hanging underneath the ropes. Besides the questionable rhetoric, I got tired of hearing people talk about screwing Roode. I didn’t even laugh when Angle said he screwed him in the ass.
Questionable Decision of the Week III: Bringing Jeff Hardy back. Granted, I suppose you could say that he’s part of the reason TNA grabbed their best ratings ever, but I feel like I’ve been down this road a million times, and not just with Hardy, who is making something like his fourth drug-or-burnout-realated comeback in six years. People…they still love him, but after firing his brother for similar reasons that should have seen Jeff out the door, after miraculously getting off light for drug trafficking charges, and based on past experience with TNA writer Vince Russo booked drug and alcohol “redemption” angles (Road Warrior Hawk and Scott Hall come to mind), I can’t help but be skeptical. Granted, Hardy is a mega-over face and won’t be treated like a joke, as Hawk and Hall were, but when the heel says “you no-showed on this company multiple times” and “you’ve got issues that probably aren’t sorted out” and “you don’t deserve to waltz back into your main event spot,” I’m going to be agreeing a lot with the heel, which is bad. Then again, who knows? Maybe Jeff is motivated, mentally ready, and still has enough of a fanbase to justify handing him a fourth of IMPACT Wrestling. If that’s the case, have him say “You’re right, I don’t deserve my spot, but I’m going to earn it,” instead of “THESE FANS WANT ME BACK!” Make him redeemable. Right now, he doesn’t deserve jack.
Questionable Decision of the Week IV: James Storm beats Kurt Angle for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship…in less than 60 seconds. I understand why, and don’t find fault with TNA for getting the title off of an injured Angle, but this swap is indicative of TNA’s utter inability to change directions as needed. As soon as Angle got injured last night, that should have sealed Roode winning. It didn’t. Then Kurt Angle came out and said that there was a no-rematch clause in their contract. This, of course, makes no sense, as an Angle/Roode rematch is pretty much the only way to go, beyond not screwing up the week before. Then, TNA’s big belt changed hands in less than a minute for the second time this year. I’m not sure that the words “title prestige” mean much in 2011, but if they did, the legitimacy of TNA’s main strap would be unable to hold. Grated, we now stand to see an ROH-lite story of a friendly rivalry between partners over the main title, but all that work TNA put into Roode’s ascension to the main event? Pretty much worthless.
If you know of any indie wrestling webshows that might be worth featuring in this space, please let me know. I’m all for indies, but, right now, the WWE is the only promotion I know of with a major web presence, in that they have full shows, with full matches, available on YouTube. I wish their developmental league, FCW, did the same, but alas, their TV show is uploaded to YouTube illegally and infrequently, meaning I’ll only be able to cover it here and there, and will probably never have a handle on their ongoing storylines. Bound For Glory coverage is below, but first, you must suffer the wrath of NXT: Redemption and Heath Slater.
WWE NXT: Redemption (10/12/11) (Watch it on YouTube)
Derrik Bateman and Maxine: I wasn’t much for Maxine or any of the Diva hopefuls on NXT season three, but this pairing, “born out of spite,” is pretty good, Maxine’s somewhat wooden delivery of lines be damned. Bateman’s just the right amount of cocky, knows how to respond to a hostile/uncaring crowd, and works cheap heat into his promos in interesting ways. The two actually make out on occasion, as well. Not that I watch wrestling for the liplocks, but usually when a man and a woman are dating on WWE programming, you only know it because the woman stands at ringside and looks bored as her man wrestles. It’s a somewhat refreshing change of pace.
Kissing? GROSS.
Percy Watson and Titus O’Neil Call Maxine and Bateman the Ugliest Couple in WWE History: Meaning I get to post Harvey Whippleman’s touching ode to Bertha Faye.
William Regal’s Maxine Fact of the Week: A cousin of her’s is a champion hula-hooper from Bangkok. She grows prize turnips, and is an amateur ferret-wrangler.
AJ vs. Maxine: Probably the best diva’s match on WWE or TNA this week. Not much competition, but hey, it was pretty good. I wish they’d go ahead and give both women a last name by now, though.
The Usos vs. C. Reks (Curt Hawkins & Tyler Reks): If the WWE is serious about bringing back tag team wrestling, matches like this are a good building block. Last week’s match and this one between these two teams was quite polished, and both teams look ready for a program against a team like Air Boom or Swaggler, depending on who gets the titles at Vengeance. Until one of them steps up to the main roster, I’ll take matches like this on my internets every week, if you don’t mind.
William Regal: “I’ve spent a fortune on gambling, partying, and naughty women. The rest I’ve just spent foolishly.”
Percy Watson vs. Derrik Bateman: I’ll take matches like this every week, too. Can’t say I love Watson’s moveset, but he looks good in the ring. Bateman’s also worth watching. They’ll inject some much needed life into Raw or SmackDown! (or, more likely, Superstars) whenever NXT: Redemption finally comes to an end.
Questionable Decision of the Week: Letting Percy Watson and Titus O’Neil talk without a script. Or if they were scripted, not firing the dude who wrote it. Between Watson’s frequent Kool-Aid Man interjections and O’Neil’s genuine awkwardness, I spend most of my time annoyed with the two of them.
Drew McIntyre: I’ve had a soft spot for Drew since I went to a house show earlier this year. His circumstance is fairly unfortunate, as, after an early-career push as Vince McMahon’s “chosen one,” he seems to have stalled out completely. With a slight change of gimmick, he’d probably do what Cody Rhodes and R-Truth before him have done and rise up the WWE ranks. What doesn’t need to change is his offense. I think I’ve heard every announcer in the history of wrestling say that a guy “uses the ring as a weapon.” McIntyre is the first who the phrase actually applies to. In his match against Alex Riley, he steps back from a flying Riley and shoves his face into the ring apron. I’ve also seen him squash legs between the rings steps and turnbuckle post, and yank the shoulder through the metal girder that makes up the outer perimeter of the ring. I appreciate unique touches like that.
Ezekiel Jackson’s New Gear: Looking less and less like Ahmed Johnson all the time, bro.
You don't want to look like Ahmed, lest your career take a Pearl River plunge.
Ridiculous Claims of Manliness on the Behalf of Heath Slater: This week, we learn that Heath Slater likes to go to bars, put on Skynard, and challenge people to fights. I’d like to live in a world where this was true, because I’d be living in a world where Heath Slater’s face is turned into ground beef on a nightly basis. Alas, I’m merely meant to believe that Heath is some sort of tough guy. I refuse to believe any such claims. It’s either funnier/disrespectful depending on what you make of the assault charges filed against Slater earlier this year.
I will fight you. But only to southern rock. And only if you're a woman.
TNA Bound For Glory (10/16/11)
Kendrick vs. Austin Aries: Just a good opening match between two guys who are very good at what they do. Cool spots aren’t quite enough to get me behind a wrestling match, but Kendrick and Aries are two guys who can string together a solid wrestling match, and they set the tone for a card that was full of blood and violence by going move for move, counter for counter. It didn’t quite steal the show, but it made me glad that Aries went back on the talk that he was retiring from wrestling. He’s great, and I wish more wrestlers were like him.
Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn: I’d like to say I was shocked by how not terrible this match was, but their encounter at Destination X was better than expected, and this bout, which added a poorly-named No Disqualification stipulation (if your announcers can’t explain what “Full Metal Mayhem” is, then don’t book the match with that title), was no different. In fact, it was probably a little closer to the ECW matches that finally made Lynn a name after a career’s worth of solid work, and if this is his televised swan song, living up to the encounters that brought you to the dance is a good way to go out. Of course, if he sticks around, I wouldn’t be opposed. Lynn’s a solid hand, and, as long as the crowd doesn’t get on his case about looking like Randy the Ram, his presence in TNA’s X-Division would be welcome.
Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan vs. Crimson: This match was way better than I expected it to be, thanks in large part to Samoa Joe finding another gear and wrestling like his higly-motivated former self, circa 2007. I hardly ever expect logic from TNA three ways, but this one had it, never failed to entertain, and was well paced. I would have loved a Samoa Joe win, but you can’t always get what you want.
Bully Ray Piledrives Mr. Anderson on Concrete: That spot is in my blood. It calls to me. When Bully Ray actually hit Anderson with it in the back, my heart did a backflip. It’s a shame the piledriver hasn’t gone back to being a match-ending spot (the move used to be instant death), but I’ll take any televised piledriver in 2011.
AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels: I’m not a big fan of either guy, and I wasn’t quite sure about putting two high-flying guys into an I Quit match, but the match delivered on it’s premise for the most part and justified its goofy ending by having Daniels bumrush Styles at the conclusion. Towards the end of the match, Daniels was choking out Styles with a chair when he grabbed the microphone and threatened to literally kill Styles, which is something I don’t recall happening too much in a wrestling match. Obviously this meant that Styles was going to win, but it was a great, Terry Funk-lite moment that led to the ending, which was less great, but with a flash of Mick Foley’s I Quit match, minus the specter of Milena. The heel, when faced with a face carrying a screwdriver aimed for the eyes, should probably do two things: Lose the eye (like Funk would) or quit out of cowardice, like Foley. Either route was fine, and it’s good that the course wasn’t diverted.
Lie there while I literally murder you!
Jeff Jarrett’s Stupid Skull Shirt Gets Ripped Apart: I stopped caring about Jeff Jarrett in 1999, and Jeff Hardy around the first break-up of the Hardy Boyz, and my not caring about either has kind of paid off as Jarrett’s largely been a non-factor in wrestling beyond an OK feud with Booker T and some decent stuff in TNA, and Hardy has pretty much been the world’s biggest flake. The only think I appreciated about the Hardy/Jarrett argument/brawl from Bound For Glory (which is presumably why the tag title match was pushed off the card) is that Jeff Jarrett’s stupid skull shirt got shredded. I hate skull shirts. I hate them even more when dudes over 40 wear them in public. Rip that shirt, Jeff Hardy. Kill it good.
D’Lo Brown: My inner-child wanted to know why he wasn’t still wearing a chest protector.
You're looking at the real deal, now.
Sting Finally Gets a Cleanish Win Over Hulk Hogan: Too bad it was still marred by awful storylines, copious interference, and, oh yeah, the fact that Hulk Hogan, after a back surgery, can’t actually wrestle. Also, too bad it wasn’t in 1997. I was expecting him to hit the leg drop and dissolve into a puddle of goo. Instead, he bled buckets and awkwardly turned face. MORE ON THAT LATER.
Bobby Roode vs. Kurt Angle: It was just OK, a lesser version of any number of Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle matches, which I was never really that big a fan of, to be honest, and was certainly lacking Benoit’s intensity. I would have been fine with that had Roode won, but he didn’t. MORE ON THAT LATER, TOO.
Questionable Decision of the Week I: Karren Jarrett as the special referee of the Knockouts Title match. TNA’s women’s division can usually be counted on for a solid match, every time out, but not with a special referee who is obviously only going to pull for one of the four people involved in the match, who obviously doesn’t know much about refereeing, and who obviously doesn’t have much business in a wrestling ring. I don’t know if I’m supposed to see the irony in a former-stripper ragging on the women’s division for looking like strippers, but it added too much unnecessary b.s. to a match that should have been about one woman’s quest to win her first title. Instead, we get a screwy finish and a ton of impending drama that’s going to be hard to care about. This match, by the way, is where the PPV nearly lost all its momentum.
Questionable Decision of the Week II: Hulk Hogan turning face. The crowd ate it up, but seriously, it’s 2011: Stop devoting valuable television time to the architects of the nWo. They’re never going to be responsible for something that big again, and I can’t say that I’m looking forward to the any number of eventual Hulk Hogan matches, especially because one of them will probably be against Ric Flair, who is another guy who should probably be legally prohibited from stepping foot into a building with a wrestling ring.The live crowd ate up Hogan turning face because Sting asked him too, but, beyond it bearing a resemblance to Return of the Jedi, it ate up a lot of time that could have been devoted to, I dunno, wrestling.
Questionable Decision of the Week III: Kurt Angle retains the World Title. Way to create a new star, guys. I don’t care if Roode has a case for a rematch; if you build a show around this being a career-defining, page-turning moment in the history of your company and, on the biggest show on your calendar, fail to follow through on that promise, what was the point of making that promise in the first place?
The first installment of Wrestling Worth Watching ran about 2,000 words longer than I wanted it to, so from here on out I’ll be splitting the post into three sections. The first will deal with Monday Night Raw and Ring of Honor, the second with TNA IMPACT Wrestling and WWE Friday SmackDown!, and the third with webshows–WWE’s NXT and Superstars, TNA’s Xplosion and so on, in addition to weekly awards and the occasional pay per view or live show report or indie DVD review. I know not everybody reading this blog is here for the wrestling, just like not everybody here is reading the movie reviews or the comic reviews or monster truck odes, but we’ll find a balance as the blog continues to grow and evolve.
Ring of Honor Wrestling (10/8/11) (Watch it on rohwrestling.com)
More Jim Cornette: I’ve still yet to see the second episode of ROH and can’t tell if this was a problem that got fixed right away, but it’s good to see Jim Cornette out there early, taking charge as the lead interviewer. The first episode featured Kevin Kelly announcing, interviewing, shilling, selling hot dogs and offering sexual favors to the viewing audience, and while he’s one of the better play-by-play men in the business right now, the more he wanders away from the commentary table, the more I want to see Jim Cornette out there. Clearly the pre-taped show was picking up on my future brainwaves.
The Briscoe Brothers: If you don’t know the Briscoes, do so. Their response to losing $5,000 for attacking the World Tag Team Champions: “$5,000 can buy a lot of beer and bullets.” These guys aren’t just playing a role–the Southern hick thing is their life, and what life’s worth living once you need to cut back on the beer and ammo budget? Tremendous.
Goofy Censor Noises: An ancient-sounding ring bell covers words like “bitches.” For some reason, I laughed.
ROH In Focus: If you didn’t know Tommasso Ciampa or Prince Nana before this segment, you would after this. Can’t ask for much more than that from any segment, and it’s kind of sad to see how this sort of thing has all but disappeared from from modern wrestling. Give people a chance to account for themselves. They may surprise you. The only bad thing about a segment like In Focus is that it kind of makes the outcome of the match more obvious. This is a new product trying to introduce me to new stars–what are the odds that the guy in the video package loses right after it airs?
A Disgruntled Ex-Ring of Honor Employee: Steve Corino did the commentary for Ciampa’s match against Andy “Right Leg” Ridge, and, beyond being very good, he mentioned that he’s lost the only friend he had–a disgruntled ex-Ring of Honor employee who has crashed events and caused enough chaos that his name has been blacked out on official records, even pertaining to his long and successful run as a tag team champion. Said employee, Kevin Steen, is probably the hottest property in independent wrestling, and his angle is an example of how to slowly tease a guys return, unlike WWE shotgunning CM Punk back onto TV because they had a Pay Per View to promote. ROH doesn’t have 1,000,000 live events depending on Steen’s presence, so they’re allowed to bide their time. When a fan demanded he be brought back, ROH’s color commentator, Nigel McGuinnes, called the kid a “complete wanker” and went back about his business. So far, so good.
Roderick Strong: Claiming that winning the World Title would be better than having sex? That’s dedication.
Davey Richards vs. Roderick Strong: Just a good match for the ROH World Title. If you’re unfamiliar to any style of wrestling but what the WWE offers, it likely won’t convince you of ROH’s absolute dominance in terms of the quality of their wrestling, but in terms of what you can get for free, you take title matches like this and run before the company offering them changes their mind.
Questionable Decision of the Week: Having Kevin Kelly as the main play-by-play guy. Not that he’s not the best PBP guy around (especially seeing as Jim Ross hasn’t found his voice on a three man booth), but Ring of Honor is supposed to be the wrestling of young America, and Kevin Kelly’s about as cool as an uptight neighbor.
This dude spent the early part of his career being clowned on by the Rock and occupying an announce desk with Shane McMahon on Sunday Night Heat. He is better than just about every announcer the WWE has brought in to replace him on his level, it’s clear that he cares about the product and he conveys all of that very well. Wrestling shouldn’t be about how cool you are, but coolness, I’m guessing, is the reason they brought back the bald British guy in his sunglasses to call the action right alongside him. Not having a young, fresh voice (like Dave Parazak, who is very good) calling the matches and introducing the product is, so far, ROH’s third biggest oversight, beyond ending their association with SHIMMER and cutting Chris Hero, Sara Del Rey and Colt Cabana from the roster. ROH will never be the slickest wrestling on TV in terms of presentation, but give a guy with some edge to his voice a headset, and the difference between it and the WWEs and TNAs of the world will be that much more pronounced. Hell, this is the one instance where I think a three man booth is justified, if not required.
TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/13/11)
Bobby Roode Asks For a Clean Match: Never gonna happen, but it’s nice that he wants it. Angle’s crazy eyes (I’d call them a routine, but I’m not so sure) practically made the opening segment on their own, as Kurt was (as usually) a little less than intelligible, and Roode doesn’t really have much of a character beyond being a dude who wrestles. Angle/Roode promises to be a good wrestling match, though.
Random, Feud Combining Tag Team Matches: I’ve been a fan of these since I was a kid. Two teams, made up of two guys who hate one guy on the other team but might not fit particularly well with their partner? As a way of keeping feuds fresh and interesting, I’m fine with this formula. So fine, in fact, that I won’t bother to complain that they used it twice. AJ Styles/Rob Van Dam vs. Christopher Daniels/Jerry Lynn overcame my indifference towards all four men and was quite entertaining, though neither Styles or Van Dam seemed to remember being attacked with chairs in the back. In the second match, Kid Kash and Austin Aries faced off against Brian Kendrick and Jesse Sorrenson, combining two X-Division feuds that’ve been going on since the Destination X pay per view. Aries is an absolute masterclass deserving of all the exposure in the world. Kendrick is one of my favorite wrestling personalities. Kid Kash, as I mentioned last week, has an amazing name and, when motivated, is pretty good. Sorrenson…I don’t know who he is, and he got beat up a lot. Another good, quick match that does its job in raising interest in the Bound For Glory pay per view.
Matt Morgan vs. Samoa Joe: Two talented hosses a-clubberin’ each other? I’m down, even if I’m kind of tired of watching Samoa Joe lose, and even if I wonder at the logic of putting three hosses in a triple threat match to clubber each other with less structure. I’d love to see one of the three move up the card after this feud’s conclusion. I’d prefer Samoa Joe, who has been horrifically mismanaged, but wouldn’t mind seeing Matt Morgan finally live up to his seemingly infinite potential. Crimson’s got all the time in the world and probably doesn’t need to win.
The Value of Ink Inc. On the Streets: If Mexican America were to pimp out Ink Inc., it’d be for “two cups of soup and a honey bun.” I wonder if those terms are negotiable.
Christina Von Erie: Always nice to see indie talent on TV. Erie recently made her SHIMMER debut, and here she is on IMPACT, backing up Ink Inc. Makes sense, and it gives the Knockout division something different. As Taz says, “she’s drinking the same food and beverages Ink Inc. is.”
Christopher Daniels Would Rather Hear AJ Styles Say “I Quit” than Murder Him Outright: That, friends, is wrestling.
Scott Steiner: Always a fan.
Bobby Roode vs Kurt Angle Hype Video: A definite HBK/Hart vibe to the feud, which actualy makes sense here (Hart and Michaels were the same age, so making Michaels look like the young upstart made Hart look kind of stupid). Both Roode and Angle make good points, and make the match seem like it’ll be one of the more important ones in TNA history. This is why I anticipate that everything’s gonna go wrong.
Jeff Hardy Looking Motivated: Not that Jeff Hardy is the greatest wrestler in the world, but he is certainly the most popular one on TNA’s roster, and it wouldn’t hurt if he legitimately wanted to make up for his failings and his mistakes. I have some problems with his return angle this week, though. First, Roode just got done talking about the company needing a face that wasn’t a cast-off from another company, then he gets saved by Hardy. Second, it really makes me fear that their big match on their big pay per view is going to be marred by 100 guys interfering on Kurt’s behalf, and that Roode, should he win, will only do so if Hardy lays Angle out for him.
Questionable Decision of the Week: Not quite sure why the Knockouts need a Vice President, nor am I sure why Karen Jarrett should be the one to get the dubious title. I know that women’s divisions are historically cordoned off from the men, but taking it to this extreme is just pointless. Why can’t women wrestle without lame pretense? Why can’t we move past authority figure angles? It’s 2011, folks–nobody is gonna live up to Austin/McMahon, and Karen Jarrett’s having a hard time living up to Vickie Guerrero. I do wonder, though, what a “five-and-dime street walking ho’s” going rate is. Five, or a dime? (Lots of prostitution in TNA this week.)
On these here internets, it’s possible that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of pasty white nerds posting their views and opinions on pro-wrasslin’. I’m no different from any of them, but I’d prefer to stay focused on the positive. Instead of railing against booking decisions or complaining about the lack of airtime any particular wrestler gets, I hope to present to you some wrestling worth watching–matches (and the occasional segment) that make all the other stuff go down a little more smoothly.
A note, though: Ring of Honor does not air in my area, so I’ll constantly be a week behind. I’ve yet to have an opportunity to watch last week’s (likely fantastic) show, and I can tell this article’s going to run way, way long, so I’ll leave you without my account of El Generico vs. Jay Lethal. Still, if you’re so inclined, go watch their product at www.rohwrestling.com. It’s the best wrestling you can watch on TV, and it’s always nice supporting the little guy.
WWE Monday Night Raw (10/3/11)
Everything Mark Henry Does: Seriously, Mark Henry as the World Heavyweight Champion is great; a tremendous throwback to early 90s WCW, where monsters stalked the ring and laid waste to everybody and everything standing between them and respect. This week, the former Sexual Chocolate battled John Morrison, and it was pretty decent for what was an extended squash of Morrison, who must be wondering what happened to his early-year momentum. Morrison actually connected with his finishing top rope splash, only to have Henry shove him off, leading to JoMo’s swift execution. The really exciting stuff, for me at least, continues to be Mark Henry’s work on the microphone. His rants about the Hall of Pain remind me a lot of early 90s WCW monsters as well, particularly Vader, who once told the WCW roster that they should pay rent to him. Big, bad hosses are a good thing, particularly when they’re being booked like big, bad hosses. Henry might be set-up for an eventual title loss to Randy Orton, but I’m going to enjoy his reign while I can.
WWE NXT: Redemption (10/5/11) (Watch it on YouTube)
Note: I haven’t watched NXT since Season 3, which was a intentional trainwreck meant to sink the show as quickly as possible in an effort to clear SyFy up for the cable debut of SmackDown! The show lost a ton of steam that season (despite being hilarious, at times), and probably wasn’t helped by the fizzled WWE career of Low-Ki, the absolute lack of season 4’s winner on the current product, and the fact that this season of NXT just won’t end. At this point, they should rename NXT: Redemption to NXT: Purgatory.
William Regal’s Commentary: If you tune in to an episode of Raw or SmackDown!, it’s likely that, at some point, the three man announce crew will break down into angry tirades that often have nothing to do with what’s going on in the ring. Sometimes it advances a storyline. Sometimes it just drags, to the point that the one neutral party in the argument must throw his hands in the air and say “Guys, the match?” before things settle down. Regal, long one of my favorite wrestlers, seems to be making the transition to the announce desk rather smoothly–his serene, austere delivery is not only a great counterbalance to what’s on TV, but he manages to sound knowledgeable about the craft (which he is) while putting the product over. I’ve wanted to see more Regal on TV for some time, but it was previously for his wrestling. I’d settle for a talking role, at this point, as he is currently flying under the radar as one of the best color commentators WWE’s had since Paul Heyman’s brilliant run during the WCW/ECW InVasion angle.
Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks: If this tag team isn’t called C. Reks, it needs to be. That’s a license to print money. Long written off, the WWE Tag Team division appears to be making a slight comeback. The champions have a (terrible) tag team name and matching gear. The titles were defended on a Pay Per View that didn’t advertise every belt as being on the line. It’s not like the glory days, but it’s a start, and there’s something to be said for pairing together two guys who previously didn’t have much to do. Hawkins and Recks certainly fit that bill. They opened up NXT this week on the microphone–which is maybe what NXT should be a platform for–and weren’t that bad. I can’t quite get over Recks’ hair, but the two got into the ring and got the crowd to boo them…which isn’t exactly an easy thing to do with virtually no hype or build-up. Beyond that, both of them made some pretty good points. Giving guys legit-sounding beef and allowing them to air it on the air? Good strategy, bro.
Yoshi Tatsu’s Great Muta Get-Up: Anything Muta-esque is gonna grab my attention, particularly if it’s something that has the potential to be something great, and not just Snooki doing a handspring elbow at WrestleMania. The only problem I have with it is that they can’t well enough let Tatsu look good without some dude in the back cracking wise about him wearing makeup, going so far as to call him “Ms. Tatsu” and “Lucy Liu.” I get that this is wrestling, and that wrestling is incredibly macho, but it’s 2011, dudes, and Tatsu’s a far cry from “Adorable” Adrian Adonis. Yoshi should be getting the fans to cheer for him because he’s a great wrestler who looks cool, not because he’s playing a role in an old trope. Same goes for JTG and Darren Young. They could be good wrestlers (JTG was formerly a member of a pretty good tag team), but it’s hard to care about them when they’re not only bullying a guy for his supposed femininity, but are doing so as two black men. That’s double-stereotypical, and just unfortunate.
The black dudes then stole Tatsu's makeup, and, in an ironic twist, the anti-Prop 8 campaign's slogan.
Daniel Bryan’s Beard: Someday, I hope it’ll be at maximum power. For now, it’ll do.
MAXIMUM POWER
Daniel Bryan vs. Heath Slater: This match has happened a few times since “Dat Supah Hero” D-Bryan won the SmackDown! Money in the Bank match at the aptly-named Money in the Bank pay per view, and Bryan’s, so the two seem plugged in and ready to go. It’s a short match, which is what happens when you have four matches and two ten-minute flashbacks to get through, but that doesn’t mean it’s not good. I think the thing I appreciate most about watching Daniel Bryan in the WWE, even if he doesn’t win as much as I’d like (it’s called a slow build, but I’m impatient), is that he doesn’t really have a finishing move in the sense that other WWE wrestlers do. Yeah, his main hold is the Labell Lock, but it’s been awhile since I’ve seen him put somebody away with it, and Bryan is being booked as a guy so proficient, a basic hammerlock could spell doom for his opponent. Here, he beats Slater with his mentor William Regal’s hold, the Regal Stretch, and it doesn’t at all seem out of place. As for Heath Slater, I’ve never liked him, but I was never meant to. He seems to be getting better with each outing, but that “One Man Southern Rock Band” thing doesn’t really mean jack if he’s not playing instruments or pretending to do so, badly. If they nicked a little personality from the Honky Tonk Man’s gimmick, Slater might just go somewhere significant.
Four Significant Matches: It’s not everyday that a wrestling show has four matches that are all given a decent amount of time, all of which end relatively cleanly. I’d take four matches like the ones on NXT over Santino/Jinder Mahal every day, and wouldn’t mind seeing Derek Bateman elevated to the main Raw or SmackDown! roster, even if there’s a guy in WWE’s developmental system doing the crazy, unorthodox guy thing better. There’s something slightly different about everybody on this show, which is refreshing. It’s easy to think of the WWE as a sort of homogenized wasteland, but there are men and women on the roster doing things differently from the norm, which is nice. If that were reflected company-wide, we’d be golden.
TNA IMPACT Wrestling (10/6/11)
Impact Hits the Road: Granted, the Knoxville Civic Coliseum isn’t the most impressive venue, but TNA always seems to do account for itself better when it’s not in the IMPACT Zone. As good as that deal probably has been for TNA, the IMPACT Zone often felt like wrestling’s version of Cheers. Inside, everybody knows your name. Outside, you’re either a blip on the radar or “retired” from WWE. Hitting the road, the energy in the building doesn’t feel as manufactured as usual, as you get an enthusiastic, paid crowd to see things up close and personal. IMPACT, or at least TNA’s pay per views, should always be away from the IMPACT Zone. The one negative? The crowd noise is obviously piped in, at times.
Bully Ray: There may be nobody better on TV at playing his role than Bully Ray, and if there was any justice, he’d be in a feud against somebody much better than the inexplicably popular Mr. Anderson, who may be the worst guy on TV when it comes to playing any role. Anderson wants to face Bully Ray in a falls count anywhere in Philadelphia street fight (and, without Bully Ray saying yes or no, Mike Tenay pretty much booked the match). If this one doesn’t end with Ray suffocating Anderson with a Gino’s Cheesesteak, I’ll weep.
Kid Kash: He’s 40-something, still wrestling with a name that sounds like a 13-year-old’s idea of a cool AIM handle. Can’t help but respect that.
Bobby Roode vs. James Storm: Face vs. Face matches are sometimes awkward, but not this one. If you discount Kurt Angle’s interference (he helped his future opponent beat who he was facing that night, which makes sense somewhere), nothing about this small teaser for an eventual singles match/feud disappointed. I’m not a massive Beer Money booster or anything, but Roode and Storm are very solid hands. Not only that, but the two are pretty much the only established guys on the roster who can truly call themselves TNA originals in that their initial buzz didn’t start elsewhere. If this is a small taste of what’s to come from TNA’s heavyweight title scene, I guess I want more.
Hulk Hogan’s Andy Kaufman Impersonation: When a 60-year-old man who admits to increasingly limited mobility claims that he’s going to retire instead of participating in a do-over of a wrestling match that took place in 1997, it’s a safe bet that it’s going to be a ruse. The whole night, TNA played clips of Hogan’s greatest moments in the company (mostly him talking), displayed tweets remembering his matches in the WWF and WCW, and speculated as to what the future of wrestling held without him. All the “Hulkamania 4 Life” signs in the crowd were for nothing, though, as it turned out that Hogan wasn’t retiring. Not only that, but he didn’t respect the good folk of Knoxville, who’d welcomed the Hulkster with open arms. When Hogan mocked them with his best hillbilly voice—it was a fairly decent approximation of the voice Andy Kaufman used to belittle the good folk of Memphis nearly 40 years earlier. That’s the only thing I enjoyed about the psudo-retirement ceremony. If TNA really wanted me to buy it, they’d have at least booked the show somewhere that wasn’t Tennessee.
The Look on Hogan’s Face When He Agreed to Fight Sting: It was some of his best acting since Mr. Nanny.
Verbal contracts are binding, brother.
JTG Clapping His Hands Before Applying the Reverse Chinlock: A mannerism so 1986, my heart couldn’t help but flutter. His hip-toss suplex thingie was also pretty looking, but I worry about JTG’s status on the WWE roster. It’s been awhile since his tag team partner was released, but JTG simply has not evolved as a character since Shad Gaspard was future endeavored. As the claimant of at least three unused shots for the WWE Tag Team Championships, my continuity-obsessed brain would explode were he to be axed without using one of them.
The Snot Rocket Stuck to Alex Riley’s Face: It was gross. I laughed. I’m five-years-old in February. I also love how white his face is compared to his super-tan body.
Scott Stanford: For years, the WWE has been looking for an announcer who sounds like a SportsCenter anchor. For years, that search has been as fruitless for them as it’s been frustrating for fans, even though dudes like Todd Grisham and Johnathan Coachman have, ironically, gone on to careers with ESPN. WWE seems to have found their man in Scott Stanford, a local Emmy-winning sportscaster who slips Zack Ryder references into his day job and who, by all accounts, seems to love him some wrestling. On Alex Riley, after his win: “If you look up ‘Pure Athlete’ in the dictionary, you’ll find a picture of Jim Thorpe holding up an 8×10 of Alex Riley.” Real SportsCenter anchors would kill for one-liners like that. He also makes up reasons for wrestlers to have their random-seeming matches (Michael McGillicutty and Percy Watson got into a fight at a restaurant, leading to their match), which adds flavor to the otherwise flavorless.
Michael McGillicutty: In the first six seconds of his match against “Showtime” Percy Watson, Mr. Perfect’s kid showed more charisma than he did during a whole season of NXT, an ill-fated run with the Nexus, and a disastrously uneventful, mercifully ended Tag Team Championship reign with David Otunga. I tend to root for the second and third generation guys to make it, simply because they’re facing the incredible task of living in their fathers’ shadows. McGillicutty’s early WWE career hasn’t been easy to watch (see below), but he’s young and he’s got time.
Big vs. Little Diva Matches: AJ Lee and Tamina aren’t well-developed enough for me to care much about them (one’s a hipster, the other’s the daughter of Jimmy Snuka), but in the WWE’s current dynamic, Diva’s matches come no better than the ones where a large diva asserts herself over a much smaller opponent. Watching Tamina stretch out AJ was shades of what I hoped for (and, I suppose, kinda got) from Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly. ‘Twas no SHIMMER, but it was the best WWE Divas match I’ve seen in a few months.
Ted DiBiase vs. Tyson Kidd: Tyson Kidd promises to be a regular feature of this column. He’s one of WWE’s best five wrestlers, but I doubt many WWE fans know much about him because he’s constantly on Superstars. Doesn’t seem to matter to him–he just goes out and wrestles good-to-great eight minute matches every week, none of which are exactly alike. As for Ted, he looks to be picking up a little momentum of late, which is good. Before his WWE run, he picked up some well-deserved praise for his work in Pro=Wrestling NOAH, but since being signed, he’s been mired by his connection to his father. The last name is enough, but putting him in a stable full of guys with second and third generation bloodlines, handing him the Million Dollar Title, and leading him to the ring to an awful theme song that starts “I come from money” is going to make it awful hard to forget his father. Not that that connection is ever going to go away, but if you put Cody Rhodes next to his father Dusty or his brother Dustin, you’d never see the connection. Ted needs some distance, and looks to be finding it. They still need to drop that music, though, and I don’t know if “DiBiase Posse” is clever or kind of sad. Based on his plea to WWE fans to start tailgating before live events, I’m leaning towards sad.
Is He Gonna Hire Scabs?: Leave it to Zack Ryder to ask the important question about Monday Night Raw’s walkout. If Triple H does “hire” a bunch of scabs to work Raw on Monday, it may be one of the better wrestled shows of the year. WWE’s developmental roster is absolutely stocked with dudes I’d pay cash money to see live, even if a live audience has no idea who Antonio Caesaro, Seth Rollins or Dean Ambrose are, and it’d be interesting to debut a cadre of new faces in this way. Everybody on the show would have a feud built-in, and it’d allow Triple H to do something more than make fun of the situations he finds himself in.
Pee-Wee Otunga, Attorney at Law: Few professional wrestlers have found themselves as ridiculously attired as David Otunga, who dropped his burgeoning (but awful) feud with Jerry “The King” Lawler in favor of reminding people that, beyond being engaged to Jennifer Hudson, he graduated from Harvard with a law degree. Instead of being a kinda boring dude in Ed Hardy-inspired trunks, he’s now a kinda boring dude in a bowtie and argyle sweater, which is exactly what I’d wear to scare the bejesus out of my opponents. The entirety of the Stand Up to WWE Walkout angle has me utterly confused, but it looks like they’re trying to make a star out of somebody who, prior to being involved, wasn’t. How it turns out will be interesting, and could well determine Otunga’s status in the company. Storyline-wise, I don’t see how you can regress from suing the company and hope to retain employment.
Cody Rhodes: The best actor in WWE. His evolution has been amazing and nigh-unprecedented.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Sin Cara: A tiny slice of goodness to start the show, right up until the end, which was flubbed. Despite that, Del Rio was great (as always), and Sin Cara continues to display the occasional flash of brilliance that made him so exciting to watch when he was in Mexico and Japan as Mistico. Del Rio’s cross armbreaker is starting to reach an insane level as a simple submission finisher–nobody right now sells the application of their move better than Del Rio, and few have. It’s like watching Ric Flair “apply more pressure” to the figure four, only Flair didn’t kick his opponents away when they tapped out. I can’t say that I’m particularly interested in the Sin Cara vs. Sin Cara feud, but Hunicio, under the black Sin Cara hood, deserves a do-over from the Hell in a Cell pay per view. Nobody deserves a PPV like the one he got, and he’s a good wrestler, to boot.
Booker T: He says ridiculous stuff. He gets everybody over. I love it. On why he walked out on HHH on Raw: “I had to go to the bathroom. I thought the show was over.” Insipid, or insanely brilliant?
Air Boom Finally Get a Cohesive Theme Song: Now they need a better name. Also, is it ironic that the dudes complaining about the lack of safety on Raw attack their opponents before the bell, or is that the point?
Vickie Guerrero: They’re starting to establish her as a (lesser) Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. Ditch the “Cougar” necklace and give her two, maybe three guys around Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler, and we’re cooking.
Air Boom vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (Swaggler): Not as good as their match at Hell in a Cell, but it didn’t need to be. After the pre-match assault, Even Bourne was injured and Kofi Kingston took the brunt of Swaggler’s tag team onslaught. Then Evan tried to come in and turn things around, but he was still injured and was picked apart. Logic? In my pro-wrestling? I’m a fan.
Oh Hey, the Divas of Doom Hurt People: About time. ‘Nuff said.
Big Show’s Return: Big Show’s been wrestling since 1995. Despite that, he’s had exactly zero good t-shirts for his fans’ buying pleasure. That streak of merchandising ineptitude continued this past Friday, as his W.M.D. Precision Strike t-shirt could have been given to practically everybody, and probably should have been given to Air Boom. BUT! Big Show’s return angle was a classic, kind of like Mark Henry’s rise to the top of the card. Four months ago, Mark Henry broke Big Show’s ankle. Show comes back, gets real emotional about his inability to do things like put on his pants or play with his dogs as he normally would. Then he promises to destroy Mark Henry. I don’t remember their match at Money in the Bank, and I can’t imagine their eventual championship match being a barn burner, but it’s the first time I’ve been remotely interested in Big Show since his tremendous run as Chris Jericho’s tag team partner in 2009.
Mark Henry, Man of Logic: His promo about not giving Big Show a title shot was tremendous. “You sat at home for four months; a vacation I afforded you.” I can’t tell if there were no “WHAT?” chants live, or if they were edited out in post-production, but the crowd seems to respect Henry as champion. My mind is still blown by the complete 180 Henry’s career has taken, and I’ve yet to be disappointed by anything he’s done. Go, Henry, go!
Brodus Clay Hype Video: I usually don’t care about hype videos, no matter how well-produced they are. This one’s different, as Brodus Clay’s a giant fat dude, and I love me some giant fat dudes in wrestling, especially if they can throw a good suplex. Looking forward to Clay making his proper post-NXT debut as soon as possible.
Awards Section
MVP of the Week: Mark Henry’s the easy choice. The very easy choice. If I could find more ways to compliment him for his work this week, I would.
Match of the Week: Without seeing El Generico vs. Jay Lethal, I’m giving it up to Daniel Bryan vs. Heath Slater. I could watch solid undercard matches like this all day, but here’s hoping that D-Bryan starts ascending the SmackDown! ladder soon. No prop in wrestling is dumber than the blue or red Money in the Bank briefcase the winner of that match is forced to carry, and while I dig that Daniel Bryan does more with it than clutch it or hit his opponents over the head, I can’t help but think he’d look a whole lot better with one of the WWE’s championship belts around his waist.
Call of the Week: “I had to go to the bathroom. I thought the show was over.” Booker T is nothing if not honest.
Questionable Decision of the Week: Having the people complaining of unsafe work environments go out and make the work environment unsafe for others. This is especially true of the Divas of Doom, who probably shouldn’t have been the ones to tell HHH that they felt unsafe because they were girls. They hated Kelly Kelly for being a girl. The quick squash and torture of Alicia Fox was for the best, and I dig the Legion of Doom mini shoulder pads the two rock on their new gear, but without a sound victory over Kelly Kelly, I’ll end up more than a little bitter about the whole thing. I don’t want to be bitter. I want to like the wrestling that’s on my TV.
